This past Friday September 27th my husband and I smoked our last cigarette and butted out. We told our oldest that when the stress of evaluations for ringette were over and she was drafted to a team we would butt out. It's been a couple days, I was grumpier than everything so I basically locked myself in my room and holed up watching movies. Now Monday I seem to be coping okay. The biggest struggle will always be times of stress, and when we get together for drinks and visit with friends who smoke. This is where I will need to muster up the will to say no and avoid the temptation.
I have struggled with the loss of my grandmother, my mind filled with thoughts of my missing friend, in the past few months. I find that when I struggle with anything I am weak and make excuses as to why it's okay to fail and let myself down. I can start things with such determination, motivation and will power and then I give in to excuses that make it okay but leave me feeling like a failure.
I cannot make promises that I will not slip up. I cannot promise I will not fail but I can say that I am going to do my damnedest to be strong and get back to that place I was at just a few months ago where I felt strong, healthy, happy and able to conquer anything.
A few things I was so on board with such as the 52 month money challenge went out the door as soon as smoking again consumed us. Our funds went to cigarettes and a challenge failed. Smoking really put myself and my husband in a blah place. We had no desire to get stuff done and I realize this more and more as I glanced back through past posts. I stopped typing because in reality I was outside smoking. I didn't get stuff done that I wanted to because I was blah or the funds were put to smoking instead of some upgrade. I write this now in hopes that next time I consider sparking up I will see how it really affected all areas of our life. As a smoker one doesn't focus as much on living healthy since we are already poisoning ourselves. I look forward to refocusing and starting fresh!
This post won't be all about smoking or starting fresh. I won't be goal setting today or planning out fun creative things to do around the house. Today I will simply update. Going forward I intend to take each day one step at a time, one day at a time and focus on the day at hand and present.
Instead for the next while my intention is to focus on how I cope, what I do daily, and maintain my blog. I will write about things that help, daily struggles and the positives each day I face.
Since my last update summer has come and gone. We got out camping a few times. I seriously hope that 2014 will bring a long season of camping for us. 2-4 times out is just not enough to make having a trailer worth while at all. We did decide this season though that the set up and take down of a tent trailer in combination with 2 kids and 3 dogs does not work for us. So we intend to purchase a trailer come the RV show.
August we crossed off another bucket list item. Our youngest asked us last summer if we could go to the Northern Lights Wolf Centre in Golden BC. So this August we made a point of taking it in on our way to Kelowna. The wasps in BC were horrible this year however it did not take away from our visit to the centre. It was neat to be able to get up so close to the wolves. They were all sleeping in the heat of the day but amazing none the less. We listened to one of the girls that works there talk about wolf population in BC and Alberta and so much more. It was quiet interesting. All of the wolves there came as pups and will not be re-released. They will live out their lives at the centre to educate people. It was very intimate and hands on. Perhaps next summer we will take in the Grizzly Bears.
Despite the wasps we really did have a wonderful vacation packed with family visits, learning to paddle board which I have to say was quite fun and even relaxing. We made it to Penticton to ride the canal with my long time friends. This year the canal was a slow 4 hr ride. 4 hrs landed all of us great burns! Totally sarcastic! We were burnt. The ride was a bit long and we all got into the water at some point to cool down. Our visit with my friends was well worth the drive as always and I look forward to it once again next season.
We were able to get out camping twice more before summer came to an end. Once at Sandy McNabb campground near Black Diamond and September long weekend at Rocky Mountain House. In between our oldest rocked 2 weeks of on and off ice ringette camp and celebrated her 14th birthday. 14!!! I was a bit sad to be truthful. 14 to me meant a year closer to Independence and a learners license! A learners was the first step to adulthood and no longer needing mom or dad.
The girls were pleased to start school, Grade 6 & 9! Both were content with their teachers and our oldest couldn't have been more happy with her options which was surprising as one was a Math option! September was a very full month. The girls took in an art exhibit at ACAD which impressed both. My oldest intends to one day go there. Ringette took over September with AA tryouts at the start. No AA this year which is fine. Our oldest is first year U16. It was a slightly disappointing month ringette wise for our oldest. She shone on the ice during evals, however with the way the decision was made for team layout, 1 A team, 2 B teams she went B however affiliates for A. Additionally she shares the season with a new goalie which was also a bit of a let down. As a former coach I was disappointed that the association made the decision to lay out teams as they did because the decision really cut off many players at the knee who could play A with ease. There was more than enough talent for 2 A teams. My daughter took everything in stride and I find kids generally do and as parents we learn a thing or two from them. Everything happens for a reason right? We look forward to the season ahead and are pleased that our daughter landed on a fantastic team with a great group of girls and parents and an amazing coach.
Draft is over and now that teams are set it's time to balance life and refocus! We promised we would quit smoking and are making every step to be successful. Additionally I have promised my oldest that her and I will start Yoga as soon as we have the practice schedule so we will attempt to get that set up and get a class or two in this week. My husband is also taking our oldest to a goal tending flexibility teacher which has been a hit :)
Our youngest has gone from riding twice a week to once a week and we decided not to continue leasing through the winter months. She informed us that she would like to try out for school teams and do stuff with friends. She loves riding but has not been wanting to go for her hacks so we made the decision to terminate the lease and save ourselves a bit of $$. I am going to look into swimming lessons for her to add something else to her plate to keep her busy and maintain exercise. We feel it's very important that children be active.
With a new school year underway and season of sports we know there's a lot to be added to our plates in the coming months. Fundraising, traveling, nights spent at arenas and stables, crockpot meals and occasionally or more often than not the feeling of being over whelmed and wishing there were more hours in each day. I think last year was so far to date the best year for balance and in part because I was not on ice and trying to balance in coaching as well. As much as I love ringette and coaching I am quite content with the balance I have found sitting on the side line. It's quite a perfect place to be.
I look forward to balanced updates and each post in stride. Perhaps reality is the better way to take things. Day by day and realistically.
Today My Name is Fresh....like the start I feel...cheers to anew!
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