Today My Name Is...Stumble

I guess with everything going on I neglected to mention what I accomplished in February. While it wasn't near what I accomplished in January I still managed to get things crossed off my To Do List.

Accomplished
-main floor bathroom painted
-girls bathroom painted
-shower door installed in girls bathroom
-shelves installed in bathrooms
-finances in order
-sold Viggo's big cage
-sold old ringette gear
-got taxes sent off
-filing done
-spring training booked for my oldest daughter
-grad dress purchased and shipped
-registration for grade 10 complete

I have yet to:
-clean the basement (organize/box/toss)
-finish garage however it's been far too cold
-new tires on truck & journey
-oil changes and tune ups
-find a storage lot for our trailer but I did call around and have us on a wait list for our #1 place
-extra goalie gear still needs to be sold
-did not read 2 books let alone 1 so try to get through one in March
-finish cross stitch for basement bathroom (3yrs in the making, try to get a whale at least done)

So going forth I hope to accomplish what I have yet to accomplish. I'm really looking forward to spring and the snow melting. I cannot wait to get the yard cleaned up, plant more flowers, bushes and plants and fill pots with more flowers. I would like to have raised gardens this year to grow some stuff but we shall see.

I have not stuck to the menu plan. Menu plans are awesome provided they are followed. They save money and keep one from wracking their brain trying to come up with or plan meals. We've done well planning on the go and eating at home but it would help if I actually followed my original menu plan. At least they are drafted as I can use them in the months ahead.

I have continued with my juicing for breakfast and morning snack. I've recently added Goji berries, Maca powder and Cacao powder to the morning juice mix for the above & below reasons. Anything to add health benefits.

Speaking of health, I have struggled with health issues as of late. I spent an evening in the hospital due to my TMJ related to the accident. Here I thought I had a sinus, perhaps ear infection due to the ache and pressure, then when the right half of my face started to droop my mother rushed me to the hospital. It was pretty bad. I guess with TMJ issues and flare ups this can happen. I hope it's the first and last time but I would bet that would be wishful thinking. I hate my jaw. :( After 2 percocettes, 3 ibuprophen and a couple gravol like pills they sent me home as there is little else that can be done aside from relax the jaw and manage pain.

I had a another flare up a few days later but it was minor...minor meaning no facial drooping.

My stomach has been off too since I was in the hospital. Juicing agrees with me but any solid foods make me feel sick for a few hours following a meal. I should get this checked.

 

Ringette season is now over...it ended with the girls off for a lovely day in Banff as a team. They took a bus and enjoyed the Gondola and dinner and explored the town and sites. Following that they competed in Provincials and placed 3rd in the province. 22 teams competed in playdowns, 12 made it to provincials but there were quite a few more teams that did not make it to playdowns. They should feel proud to be 3rd. So close to first and they could have easily, it just wasn't their game. After a wonderful weekend of provincials they wrapped up with a team dinner.

Going forward it's just horseback riding and my oldest will take part in Edge School spring hockey program to continue with ice time. Both mean spring...spring means more family time...and camping...and watching the To Do list dwindle down....time to cross and toss the to do list! Wouldn't that be nice?

The days are ticking down to my oldest leaving for her trip to Quebec, then we have a short break and take off to Florida. Let's hope I can get my health in check before we leave!

It's been busy, eventful and I'm exhausted lately. Sleep is never enough. Hopefully I can find time to update again soon and it will be more positive with better health and more accomplished. Fingers crossed!

Today My Name Is...Stumble

Today My Name Is...Step One

One day at a time, one step after the other...

There's been a feeling of being lost these past couple days since our dear Thunder departed from our lives. 14 years just doesn't seem long enough. The days since have been a whirlwind of emotions, guilt, anger, sadness...I know these are all common with mourning but it doesn't make it hurt less. Time heals but for the moment it sure feels like there's a deep black hole in the house.

Of our two dogs, Bella seems to be taking the loss especially hard. I would have assumed it would have been Kiedis taking it hard as he and Thunder had been buddies for so much longer. Bella is a very empathetic dog. She's sensitive and I really think she misses Thunder even though he was such a bully to her. Her moping, hanging her head, staying in her crate and sitting for long periods is unlike her. She's a food driven dog and even there she seems to have lost her appetite. Kiedis is not his normal self either but isn't to the extreme Bella is at. It's very hard to see her like this and has made it harder for me being home and seeing her sadness on top of my own. She's such a sweet dog, it just breaks my heart. Anyone who claims dogs do not have feelings or mourn hasn't had a dog...or maybe they lacked the family relationship we shared.

I've stayed busy, trying to push through, stay positive and keep on the right track. 11:11 says I have. My #11 keeps popping up. So I must be on the right path still.

Since Tunny left the day after came some resolve from my accident over 3yrs ago which was uplifting. That sense of finality and coming closer to the end was something nice. My oldest daughter is happy that her grade 9 grad dress arrives this upcoming Monday. She also got some additional news pertaining to sports acceptance that she is excited for. We paid off our vehicle loans and MasterCard today, that is always a positive. Yet I don't feel like jumping for joy. We'll pay down the trailer too as soon as we can. Focus on retirement and future has been our life direction lately. So the steps to get there are being taken.

Last night we decided that much like the purchase of our trailer that family time is important. Life is too short and we must stop and smell the roses. So we have booked a family vacation to Florida with my hubby's parents. We've never done a vacation with them and are all excited. I wish the news had our girls jumping but we are all quite blah. I know when the time comes however that excitement will be abundant and smiles a plenty.

My husband and I have always been hard working feeling bad for taking more than 1 week vacation per year. After the loss of my grandmother it became key for us to spend time with our loved ones and make every effort to do so. Having just lost Tunny we realized that no matter how long one has with their loved ones it is never long enough. We don't want to look back with regrets, guilt or anger for what we did not do. We'd rather fill our lives with fun and memories.

In 2013 we did our usual week in Kelowna and then Mexico over Christmas. This year for 2014 it's Florida and Kelowna. My oldest has exams and grad in June so we couldn't go then, we didn't want to go right away as I run a day home and the parents need notice to find back up care and we do not like taking holidays back to back so we weren't going to do it in August. This works out well and will be fun while my girls are still young enough to really enjoy it, old enough to appreciate it and take everything in and old enough to also remember.

From now until we leave I intend to focus on my health and proper eating, getting things accomplished as I have been, getting through this month and provincials for ringette. Staying on top of things is primary. There's so many positives ahead I know they will each work their way into life and bring more brightness to the dark I feel right now.

Today we are going to love a little more, hold our furred and feathered creatures a bit closer, hug our girls stronger and love every moment we have in life and with those so dear to us.

Consider adopting an animal from your local shelter, rescue or otherwise. Please do not support puppy mills or pet shops. There are so many animals waiting for a home and arms to hold them tight and each deserves just that!

I'm going to hug my Bella & Kiedis...

Today My Name Is...Step One

Today My Name Is...Heartache

 

 

I Loved You Best
-Jim Willis 2002

So this is where we part, My Friend,
and you'll run on, around the bend,
gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on, I'll find the strength,
life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true,
but they be they, and they aren't you.
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,
the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
And as you journey to your final rest,
take with you this...I loved you best.

 

Still on a bit of a down hill but I will come out to find the top, for that I am sure.

It's been a very rough past few days. Last week I thought I was just fighting the most brutal migraine to date. After two days of hugging a bucket and migraine meds not working their magic I was pretty sure I was fighting a battle with the flu instead. The flu is no friend of mine!

After taking a few much needed days to get through it and recover yet still not feeling 100% I went into Monday wondering how my body would hold up as that was my first day actually out of bed for the duration of the day. I made it through but sadly our old dog Thunder did not.

This surely gave me a reason to dislike Monday's. What a shitty way to start the week. What a shitty day and today is not much easier.

My heart is heavy yet I am thankful that there are 14 years of memories to fill the void. He was a brat, a stubborn alpha of the house and tough for his size. He was the dog who ran away after chasing a rabbit only to return the following day on his own. When my youngest was a baby he was always first to get in the baby swing. My oldest daughter and Thunder were buddies, she called him her brother. They did everything together when she was little much like the show Lassie or Old Yeller were and every other dog movie of a child and their dog.

 

 The latter years were not overly easy for him and he had a few medical issues in his younger years like the tumor we had removed by his eye when he was just a pup. We almost lost him when he was about 6yrs old when we took him in to get his teeth cleaned. He didn't handle the anesthisia well and his lungs filled with fluid. He struggled fought and made it through and home to us. We swore that we would never again put him through that. He was diagnosed about 4 years ago with a brain tumor after having a seizure. That was the first hit and we worried from that point what would follow. We were warned it could go quick or could be really hard and were given a choice about how to medicate. We chose not to as the vet said the medication often does send them on a down ward spiral sooner. We just wanted for him to enjoy his last days. A few seizures came in the months and years after, followed by failing kidneys and pancreas. We tried foods and medicines but in the end the vet said there was little we could do and he assured us that he was not in pain. He said with a dog like ours he would surely show if he was in pain.

There were good days and not so good days. Some days we wondered if the end was near and then the very next he would be running around like a puppy. He hated being groomed and hated getting his nails trimmed with a passion! After his seizures I would pray he would go quickly and peacefully in one as they were unbareable to watch. He was a tough boy! He stayed with us and even as his pace slowed and naps became longer he fought.

I knew yesterday it was the end. I don't know how but I did, just like I knew with my cat that it was time. I called and made the appointment to take him in the following day as they were booked for that night and figured I'd buy us some time to spend with him. He was just not his usual self, he wasn't laying down and his movements were slower and more unsteady than usual. He didn't seem to fuss. I think he wanted to go off and be alone, I know he knew.

At lunch when he tried to brace himself in a sitting position against the front door and teetered falling over I knew something was very wrong. When I went to him and called his name he turned to the door and would not come and that settled it, I knew he was going to go. I scooped him into my arms and called my husband home. I texted my girls and asked that they not bring friends home for lunch.

Thunder was purchased for me for my birthday, he was named after my husband's hockey team the Airdrie Thunder. Such a big name for a little dog, but he had a big way about him. While he was purchased for me he chose my husband as his best friend. He loved my husband and listened to him and followed him all over. We never had to put a leash on him as he would follow my husband.

Everyone made it home, each held Thunder in our arms and spoke our soft loving words for him to take with him. It helped that we knew he would have wonderful loving arms waiting for him. If we can't be with him it sure made it feel better to know our dear friend and grandma would be there.

My husband made a last attempt at hope when he tried to get Thunder to drink but he couldn't support himself and just laid before the bowl. So we set him for a moment on his dog bed and our big girl Bella came over and licked his face and nuzzled his head. I couldn't get over how the other two dogs were reacting. Kiedis was very needy, he wanted to be in our arms and seemed a little panicked. Bella was very obviously sad, her head hung low and in a very motherly way she kept tending to him, passing by to check on him while he was in our arms. Neither dog wanted outside yesterday for the most part and held on with him for the duration.

After that kiss from Bella my husband went to scoop Thunder back up and as he did Thunder slipped away. Like a rag doll he went in his best friends arms. It was beautiful, it was touching and downright heart breaking.

I called the vet to cancel. They had moved appointments to get us in sooner. Instead we brought him there to make the final arrangements. We will mount his paw prints in a frame and set it alongside Skaha's (my old cat) and his ashes will be spread in our flowerbeds as well as at Elbow Falls where we spread our friend Dale's ashes. Thunder adored Dale and Dale loved him. Thunder never liked men, he avoided almost all men but maybe a handful through his whole life but if Dale was around he would choose Dale's lap over my husbands and if our gates were open Thunder would go next door and keep Dale company in the yard.

I know he was a dog, a pet in our family but the tears fall freely down my cheeks today. Thunder was part of our family every day for 14 years and today the house is so quiet. The dogs are in mourning, the cat has done more circles than I can count as if looking for something which is completely unlike her and my parrot has been uncommonly quiet as well.

Thunder AKA Tunny AKA Tunny Buns AKA Tun...Thunder Bolt....Tunder Vetter...is going to be greatly missed in this house. He left everlasting paw prints on my heart. XOXO

Today My Name Is... Heartache