Today My Name Is...Inspired

Quite often on Friday's you hear the overwhelming TGIF across the board no matter who you talk to. Well today I can say TGIF as I have earned a glass of wine after this week and having made accomplishments but it was an amazing day and way to finish the week and I credit that to my girlfriend for popping over for coffee. She is also the owner of Dew Drop Aroma therapy.

Miss Dew brought along with her the products I won. I am so excited to have the products and I just tried them and they are truly so light and wonderful, the smell is not overwhelming at all. I am super sensitive to smell so I can relate with others who have issues when it comes to powerful scents. The scents are very earthy and natural, very fresh. I have had issues in recent years with my skin being too dry and recently with breakouts and I have tried products but have never found something that has agreed with my skin and helped in either respect. These are natural products which I am even more stoked about as I try to transition my life and my children's away from chemicals and live healthier. I look forward to seeing how my skin feels as well. I am hopeful that I have found a product that can become part of my life.

It was such a wonderful visit. Why people wait to get together is beyond me. We really need to live more and get together. It had been far too long and so over due! I am envious honestly of the life she is living. She is living her passions, she is happy and healthy. A career made from following ones passions...unreal eh? These are things we all want so badly yet are scared as I admitted to her to take that one step in the direction we desire, or we try and and the smallest hint of failure we turtle back to find security. Her direction is benefiting many people but the key person is herself.

As we chatted and I explained my frustration with my nerve damage and arm and how it has become a road block in so many ways and taken from me passions I had, she opened the door to new possibilities and directions based on things I mentioned I enjoy. I had never thought of any of them.

It is so true that if you want something and work towards it, it is attainable. The key role is taking that initial step....and that's my issue, my fears and anxieties. I am a person who finds comfort zones and fears stepping outside of these zones for fear of what could be...when really that what could be could really be positive! We tend to see the negatives and perhaps I think that the what could be is a negative. If we teach our minds that each step moves towards a positive then we train ourselves to experience and possibility. I need to open doors, turn on the light and allow for creative possibilities and finding passion. If the world was this way and everyone was seeking their passions and in turn living through happiness I wouldn't be posting like my last post. Happiness is moving forward...I think the world much like myself has transcended into a place of pause...we do not know how to move forward.

What I am saying is....we need more like my dear friend in the world. We need to create for ourselves opportunity.

Our visit was such an uplifting and rewarding time shared. As my last post mentioned....people come and people go and everyone and everything happens for a reason, to teach, add, build, grow...I think we have reconnected for a reason, a very positive one at that. I look forward to getting together again soon for a date night as we talked about. Including our men and a branch of our happiness.

I needed this uplifting, motivating, inspirational visit. She reminded me very very much of the person I was prior to the accident. Since then I sort of packed life in and stopped living. The saddle may have been stiff but I have been actively trying this past few months and having this blog helps to look back and see that I am moving forward and upward into a better place.

It's time to train the mind that happiness is the only way to exist. Onward, upward...there is no pause, no waiting, delays or stops just forward and like she said, stepping into places we are not comfortable with is challenging and rewarding and it really helps us...time to continue challenging. Maybe I will attempt a yoga class by myself instead of relying on having my daughter to go with. Baby steps.

It's been a beautiful week, so much to be thankful for, grateful for and so much to look forward to. I have seen small but positive goals reached this week that shows me anything is attainable. Time and patience young grasshopper. I am rebuilding me, gaining back strength and working on confidence...dragging toes on occasion but I think the end result will be a positive person that I can look into the mirror at and say, "I am Happy." I may never be perfect but what really is the true meaning of perfect? If I can look at myself and say I am happy then I think that right there is the true meaning of perfection.

Today My Name is Inspired.

Today My Name is...Old School

Life is a lesson, a learning curve. Everything in our lives at any given point is there or happens for a reason, to teach us, or to assist us, or whatever the case may be it's there for a reason.

My journey has been full of ups and downs, highs and lows. I feel good right now, last night was the first night back at yoga, and I've lost a few pounds and remain on task and motivated. There are somethings in life I need to add, remove ect to assist me to reach a place I am happiest in. Some people are meant to be in our lives, others are not.

Each day I learn a little life lesson and for that I am grateful. It also helps to teach me about those I have in my life, and where on my shelf value they should be in perspective to my life. Be it family or friends each has their place and oddly enough sometimes it's friends that place higher than family. At least in our family that is the case, our friends are very dear to us.

Social media has really become a negative force in life. I am blogging using online media, a diary of my life of sorts to read back on, to help others, to relate....but each day I also see how media affects us. Cyber bullying, losing touch of that personal connection between people. It's disappointing. I recently found out that my sister is expecting...how? Through Facebook status. Good thing I logged on. Sheesh. Nothing like sharing family news with family before the rest of the world but that's where clarity hit. I guess I am different. Perhaps what matters to me is different than it is to others. I value the importance of family and these wonderful life moments. My friends always call, text, or share news when we are together before it hits the almighty world of facebook. I think that's how it should be. The world is a very superficial place.

This past weekend I got a reminder in my phone, one I set while with my grandmother. It was to remember to send Christmas cards and school pictures. All she asked was that I took a moment to write a note and send it her way. This year it is too late to go back, and I missed an opportunity to take that moment. She is gone now and it really bothers me that so many have become consumed with online and forget life's most simple moments like addressing an envelope and writing in a card. I fell into that hole. I think many of us can relate.

As mentioned I am in a good place and I think I am really reconnecting with what matters in life, and what matters to me and these are feel good things that propel me to better my life and my families. I have read articles recently and seen video that have really touched me.  I am sharing them here because I want to hold them in a place that I can look back. Each is a valuable life lesson and something can be taken from each.

Coming Out of the Closet & not the Traditional Sense
Marriage Isn't For You

These two links and above pictures have connected deeply with me this past week and my life in general. I am grateful that they came into my life through social media. Positives like this should be what social media is meant for, to better and teach us all. Sadly for many it has the opposite effect.

In moving forward I think my life with find me spending less time online, less time viewing tv and more time spent with family and friends, reading, spending time outside, doing things = living, on the phone talking to those in my life VS texting, writing a letter or card VS emailing or posting. I am going to make more of an effort to be in the moment and show that I care to take a minute much like stopping to smell the roses. Life passes us all too quick and some things matter. I guess I am old school that way or just appreciate these things myself.

What's funny is that growing up I always thought of my parents and grandparents as old school and boring and that they should get with the times and now here I am looking back saying, "Those were the days!" They really were. More time spent outside carefree and living, talking and looking into peoples faces, learning about technology VS technology consuming us. It really is in many ways ruining society.

This past week in the news I was incredibly disappointed to see this article which just supports everything I feel in that society takes no responsibility and has no motivation being instilled...we are developing lazy enabled children and a sad society.

Calgary School removes Honor Roll

Last night at parent teacher interviews we spoke with our daughters teachers about how sad this is. Our daughters teachers said that they are against the end of the year awards that single out only the very high achieving students as it says the child who got 99.9% worked harder and deserves the award more so than the child who received 99.5%. I was pleased to hear the teachers feeling the same as us in that students who achieve honors should be recognized as it gives them something to strive for. This is no different then how I feel about ringette and the LTAD and how they talk about removing tiering and competition from U12 levels. When will our children learn to work for what they want if they are not challenged? As society we are rescuing and doing our next generations no favors in any way....the law is too soft, our competitive drive is turning into one of friendship, and school is all but shattering work ethic all together.

This post I guess is a bit of a rant, but we have all become part of the problem. Media says Divorce rate is 50% so instead of working at it and learning to work together it's okay because the divorce rate is 50%. I don't want to be a statistic, I didn't when I married at 18 or became a young mother. I don't now. I am not what media puts out there. I am not others, I do not need to follow fads, fashions and my girls thankfully are rowing the same boat. The media is not ingrained in them...we do not wear brand names or jump on fashion wagons, we choose our paths for what works for us.

I will continue with Yoga because I like how it feels when I do it. I gain so many pleasures from it and relaxation is one of the key pleasures. I will wear my hoodies, sweaters and don sweats because they are comfortable and suit my life. I may be a younger parent than my daughters friends parents but that does not make me any less of a person or a parent. I find the most judgemental people are some of our children's friends parents and it's such a joke....on them. We work just as hard, live in a home with the same square footage, our children play the same sports and we do camps ect...I guess in stating this I have pointed out competition? Or is this because of media portraying young parents in a certain way? Or is it all about financial?

I am probably more strict than my daughters friends parents...in fact sometimes I really feel like a Tiger Mom. You know what though? I think my girls benefit from our family morals and being pushed....

Today My Name is...Old School

Today My Name is...Wow

You know those wow moments? Well I have had a few over the past hmm...since I did the last post. You know the wow...shit I ate too much....WOW look at that weight today...wow I feel crappy...wow I need to do something...wow my life could be worse, I'm lucky and just wallowing....WOW

Ya just a ton of wows. I have been in a fairly decent place. Still not feeling myself, busy as always. Ringette parent party, did an early birthday for our youngest as we will be away on her actual birthday. Both the parent party and my daughters birthday went very well. My daughter has such wonderful friends, as do we, I couldn't have landed with better parents to share a season of ringette with.

My mother is super ill with pneumonia and I am super worried. Being that I am not 100% better myself I don't want to venture over and get her even sicker. Though she did say I should have brought her come coconut lime chicken last night. :( I will make it when she feels better. There's been a lot going on, kind of one of those whirl wind weeks, tornado's of sorts.

I got to a point where I was like slapped with a wake up...so I am counting points. Everything in moderation. So far so good. I am using an APP on my phone that tracks weight loss and shows milestones broken into 10 small achievable goals. That makes it possible when looking daily...steps right? So far so good but it's only been a few days. The damn Halloween chocolates are still in the house but only until tomorrow night...then after I have given it out I have to find will power to not raid or ask my girls for a treat. I look forward to tomorrow night and goods being gone. It's harder to munch from the kids loot.

I have been working on photo books...2 years done, working on a third. My Internet provider came out but did so on a day when I had NO issues...unreal. So the net is back to running slower again. I don't know what's worse...screwing around with changes again in modems ect or leaving things and hoping for a good connection? Hopefully I can get these books done before November. My brain is ready to scream at me as I try to strain to remember which pictures go where...

I haven't been reading like I had hoped to, but the plan is still there. I did do cross stitch one day in hopes of furthering myself in my orca cross stitch. I didn't make it far. :*( My arm pissed me off with a bad cramp and that just got me in a mood. It is frustrating to be reminded on a daily basis my limitations from the accident.

No Yoga. That's been the worst part. It had me feeling great and I need that now to continue with will and motivation. Still battling this cold and having evenings of not feeling great I haven't gone. I have one week left to cram in a few classes and try at least one hot class. I WILL DO IT!!

I also got a call this past week from my girlfriends mother. As I posted earlier my girlfriend Sara went missing. Well her mother called to tell me they found her van, just west of Wiaporous on the Morley Reserve. That was a big blow. Van found and belongings pretty much tells a grim tale. I was heart broken. Obviously an investigation is under going now, but my girlfriend has not been found. My heart hurts for her family, I cannot begin to imagine what her mother feels nor do I wish to. I hope to see her mother in the days to come to be there as a source of support.

11's have been constant through all of this and that is comforting. It reminds me of my grandmother and gives me a sense of peace. Even with everything I haven't binged on food or sparked up. When I have felt at my lowest in moments this week it has been then that I have seen Canadian Geese flying in their V...another strong sense my grandmother is with me. I know it sounds crazy but I like to think that she is though not in the physical sense.

I saw this tattoo and it reminded me of her, I love it and would like something relatively similar one day.

Plate feels a little full as I post this. Ya it's been a lot to take. I feel like if I can just manage counting points and feel better about my weight then I can grip and manage a few other things in life. Funny how when one sees themselves and feels good that things around them seem to work smoothly. I hope to feel that WOW...I feel good...WOW I can do anything...WOW look and what I wanted to do and did it!! I love seeing to do lists with crossed off items, and seeing big ticket items crossed it such a rush. When I do these I know I can do anything, therefore I feel more apt to doing bucket list items...

I still need to meet up with Dew Drop for the products I raved about looking forward to try. I haven't but as you see my plate has been full. I also don't want to get the owner ill as she herself is such a busy wonderful motivated driven woman and I would dislike being the person to hold her back.

Maybe one day I will actually finish my biggest task...to finish the book I have now been working on for hmm....like 10 years! I have written and re-written, edited, written from different points of view...dreamt about it...perhaps publishing it will come to fruition. Would be nice....now that would be a WOW moment.

Anyways it's been a real whirl wind. I look forward to Halloween tomorrow, the ghouls, goblins, my girls all dressed up out with their friends, happy kids dressed up and being free of the chocolate that sits in the box...me VS my will. ICK!

So Happy HALLOWEEN. Chat soon! Positive vibes that I am able to chill with will power.

Today My Name is...WOW!

Today My Name is...Need Self-Motivation

I'm frustrated with myself today. Last night I would have liked to go to yoga, but as I am still feeling a tad under the weather I figured I should not push my limits and go to hard too fast. So smaller steps and hope to return Thursday. I wish I could kick this lingering cough that is accompanied by short breath.

While still trying to remain somewhat motivated and determined I have been working on photo books...still! Due to slow, insanely slow uploads and connection issues it's taking far longer. Our provider is coming today to have a look and switch our modem. Fingers crossed that everything resumes. I would like to get these photo books done by the end of October and start focusing on another area in my life that I know could use organization.

The past few days I have really learned that I am an emotional eater. I want so badly to lose weight and feel the way I did a few years ago. I'm not asking for 105 or 110 pounds again but at least 20 pounds would be nice. It won't be any easy task though on the path I am on. I need to find the will power like I have by quitting smoking. When I get down, have a crappy day, frustrated I tend to eat whatever and thus lack of weight loss. Yesterday I made cupcakes...bad fatty cupcakes but they were oh so good! The making of these delicious treats amounted to eating one and then making an excuse that if I'd already screwed my daily point count I should just eat more and screw the days count. I did so. There's still cupcakes in the fridge loaded with butter cream icing and boy they are tempting.

If I could find the determination and will power to go 2 weeks I am positive I could go one month. At the one month mark typically I have settled into habits and routine that allows me to continue. I did weight watchers years ago with great success. No exercise at all although as the weight dropped my energy level increased and I found myself naturally being active. I crave that so bad right now but keep stumbling on the steps to get there and my eating habits, cravings and excuses don't help myself or my family. If I bring in crap munchies or do late night binging you can be sure that everyone else is on board to help out. The only upside to that is that I don't consume it all on my own.

Treating myself with items for not smoking helps but I need to find something that is motivating enough to assist with focused weight loss or more to the point, healthy eating and appropriate portion sizes. I think I will revert to what I did years ago by posting a picture of me in a swimsuit on the fridge.

So I googled: Lack of Motivation... <---That is totally me when it comes to weight loss and overall health, and I found this great website! It's called Pick Your Brain. I cannot wait to read more. It summed me up in the first paragraph pretty much....Below is directly from the page. Check it out for so much more!! PICK THE BRAIN

"There is no simple solution for a lack of motivation. Even after beating it, the problem reappears at the first sign of failure. The key is understanding your thoughts and how they drive your emotions. By learning how to nurture motivating thoughts, neutralize negative ones, and focus on the task at hand, you can pull yourself out of a slump before it gains momentum.

Reasons We Lose Motivation

There are 3 primary reasons we lose motivation.

1. Lack of confidence – If you don’t believe you can succeed, what’s the point in trying?
2. Lack of focus – If you don’t know what you want, do you really want anything?
3. Lack of direction – If you don’t know what to do, how can you be motivated to do it?"

Today My Name is...Need Self-Motivation

Today My Name Is...Recovering

I've been down for a week with a cold. I really despise being ill. No matter what home remedies I try or what I do to take care of myself it never fails, I always get sick and tend to get it bad. After one week of taking it easy I am done. It's seriously deflating to get going on something and then get knocked down with a cold. So alas, my eating has had better days as I tend to eat whatever when I am sick. I am still not smoking and cannot wait to return to yoga. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to return. After having missed a week I am eager to get back at it.

 

Today was really the first day I have felt well enough to do much. Yesterday I managed to clean a bathroom but the rest of Sunday I laid in bed. Today I have tidied, attempted to get back on track with my organizing however Internet connectivity is causing a bit of an issue in completing my task. The past few days while taking it easy I have been trying to organize family pictures from 2009 until now in photo books to get printed. I have long been talking about getting pictures printed and putting them in albums but I really like the looks of the photo books. It's been taking forever to download pictures so I am assuming based on the past that this is because of my provider. I will touch base in regards to that with the company. It's seriously aggravating!

I have not read as much as I had hoped of the book the Happiness Project. With my sinuses screaming at me and head pounding, reading has been the last thing on my mind. Perhaps later this week I will get around to a few chapters. I also hope to get on a cross stitch that I started ages ago. I am hoping to have both the book and cross stitch completed by the end of November so I better get on just a bit a day.

While sick and bummed that I was missing yoga I entered a contest where I had to enter a life phrase I live by. So I entered the saying, "If you love life then you shouldn't waste time, for time is the stuff life is made of." by Benjamin Franklin. Anyways, all names for the contest were entered and my name was drawn!!! I was super excited about this contest as it's a natural product that I have been curious about for a while. With funds a bit tighter at this time of year I knew it would be a real stretch to purchase, but having won I will now get to try them! The company is Dew Drop Aromatherapy. The products are for skin care, specifically for the face! I could not be more excited to try a natural product on my skin especially since it's been breaking out badly in recent months and I cannot find a product that helps with dry peeling skin or breakouts. As a teen and 20's I had perfect flawless skin. Now not so much. I guess I was lucky though I mean if a woman is to get breakouts it's better to be married and older right? Anyways hopefully this product loves my skin and does wonders. I will definitely update. I wish I could find the website as there are many other natural products.

Being ill and confined to bed I missed my oldest daughter's first ringette game. As I love the sport it was brutal to miss out. They won 7-1. My daughter almost got a shut out. In the last minutes someone said the dreaded word and as always happens a goal was scored. Yes, we are superstitious. I think most athletes are to be honest. For a goalie though that is a huge no no. It was a great start to the season with a win like that and she came home over the moon about her play. I had texts from the parents with updates, especially when she made an incredible save in the last minutes.

Next weekend we are doing a birthday for my youngest daughter so this week I will need to prepare the house and myself to a few girls and the activities to come. Can't say I love parties but the plan is to completely tire them out, let them decorate cupcakes, eat ice cream and then hope they fall asleep and not keep me up all night. Wishful thinking I'm betting.

My youngest also got her braces on this past Friday. Poor child. Unlike my oldest who gets hers off in the next month, my youngest doesn't share the same pain tolerance and really felt it all weekend. Lots of Advil and naps. Now Monday she seems to have adjusted but the braces have only just been put on, they will be tightened in early December and I am positive that will bring on another struggle for a few days.

Not much else to report to be honest. I am trying to get back in control of what's been left on the sideline the past few days. I wanted to post though so not to think I have yet again left the blog hanging or fell off the wagon once again.

Today My Name is...recovering

Today My Name Is...Thankful

 

I am a fighter, I'm driven to continue moving forward letting nothing stop or slow me. Well....ok, maybe this cold I have is slowing me down a smidge but I have still gotten out to yoga and that feels great!

I have now been to 4 classes and am in love. I love my mat time, 75 minutes to focus on myself, my goals. Yoga really teaches so much more than stretching and flexibility. That 75 minutes my mind is on one thing and that is purely breathing, living, yoga. No matter what the pose or how challenging it may be, each moment feels great and it's a moment I am both thankful for and grateful for. I modify for my shoulders sake but hope that in time I will have more range and strength in my right arm. Yoga is the first thing that lets me feel accomplished and good. Some activities really make me feel as if I failed or that I cannot do them when I realize my limit due to my arm and it's frustrating. Yoga is really relaxing, rewarding and renewing. It's something that allows me to feel a sense of long over due recovery. I also feel a sense of new found confidence having now done something outside of my comfort zone.

In the week ahead I hope to try a hot Yin class as well as a Hot Restorative. These classes are both ground work, long relaxing poses and being that they are on the ground I feel that doing a hot class under these circumstances will give me courage to do them and build from there.

Aside from feeling great with myself and enjoying the classes, I really enjoy doing it with my daughter and more recently my girlfriend just today.

This weekend I have as mentioned been battling a cold. Last week all the little ones I watch fought colds and I dreaded getting sick myself. I drank lots of water, purelled my hands, took hot Epsom salt baths and vicks vapored my chest and feet but alas this cold still came and it hangs on. Congestion is so irritating! I really dislike the congested head cold feeling, plugged ears, heavy head, stuffed nose, tickle in the back of the throat. So I continue to rest, drink Cboost to get my vitamin C, tea, chicken noodle soup and lots of water. Arius decongestant has allowed for interim relief to make it to yoga and I believe that by still going and doing yoga it's helped my body fight the cold and keep it from being really bad.

It was Thanksgiving weekend and I for one am so very thankful for so much. I am thankful for my ever supportive amazing husband with whom I love so greatly no words can express. I am thankful for my two beautiful daughters who are so wonderful and are really a breeze and so unique, I am ever the proud mother and love watching them grow and mature. I am thankful that my parents and my in-laws are all still with us, without them a piece of us would be lost, they support and love us just as we support and love them. I am grateful for my husbands grandmother that is still with us, despite our differences she adores our girls, and they adore her, time with great grandparents is a treasure. I am thankful for our close family of friends who like our family support us, they are all key people in our lives and we are fortunate to have such amazing friends. I am thankful for good health for myself, my family and friends. I am thankful for all the battles, rocks in my path and lessons, the people who have come and gone, I have had to learn as they have made me who I am now and I am grateful for every day I get to better get to know myself and continue growing. Everything no matter how big or small teaches us something daily about ourselves and what we take from these lessons makes us who we are.

I am thankful for the daily #11's I see. I say this because I have seen the #11 repeatedly since my grandmother's passing. I feel strongly that it's her way of remaining with me and letting me know she is ok. Without these daily reminders I feel that it would have been much harder dealing with the loss of her. I am thankful for moments when the song 'You are my Sunshine,' or 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' play as I feel even closer to her without the actual physical sense. I really miss her, but I am thankful she didn't have to suffer.

Last night was spent at my in-laws for dinner and we had a wonderful time, many laughs, good food, great stories and time well spent. I was sad to not spend thanksgiving with my sister and her family as well as my parents. It's sad and hard to be so far away from my sister and nieces. My girls and my husband and I are all missing out on seeing them grow and evolve as little ladies, and I miss time spent with my sister. I am thankful for the time we do spend together though and I look forward to it immensely.

It has been a wonderful albeit a very relaxing weekend. Lovingly spent with my husband, girls, in-laws, friend and my mind of memories and those I wish I had with me to spend time with this past weekend. I am grateful for each moment I have here on earth spent with those who matter most.

Today My Name Is Thankful

Today My Name is...Namaste

Last night I summoned up the courage to venture out and do an activity in unfamiliar surroundings with unfamiliar people.

Anyone who knows me knows I have anxiety surrounding trying new things, especially if it involves people I do not know. I like comfort in security of the known. The unknown to me teeters on the side of fear. I don't know why I am like this. I haven't always been like this. This anxiety about trying new things keeps me from stepping out of my perfect comfort zone and really living and trying new exciting things or making new friends.

So last night in the company of my oldest daughter we went to a yoga studio. I'm working towards trying an actual Hot Yoga class. Hot yoga is on my Bucket List of things to do, it's also hugely out of my comfort zone but I am very curious. Anyways, we went and tried a warm class geared more towards new yogis. It was everything I imagined after I got past the stress of a new environment and new people.

It took getting there and laying down to really key in that everyone there was there for themselves. They were not there to watch me or anyone else. Each person there for the enjoyment of yoga and meeting their own personal goals of health and wellness. As we laid on our mats warming up and waiting for the teacher we allowed the atmosphere to invite us in and relax us. The music was calming, very soothing, as was the heat. The instructors voice was very guiding and it too very relaxing. She led us easily through poses and helped us to better understand movement and support to help relieve the pain in poses. It all made immense sense and felt too good, I could have done another class after I was sure. Each pose allowed me to see where I was at and gave me an opportunity to set personal goals in the coming months. The classroom environment really allows for inner connection and a sense of who we are, the connection was almost immediate. I am not one to really enjoy heat, let alone humidity but it eased muscles and felt good. I could really feel the sweat through the poses and by the end I was positive I was not ready for back to back classes. Sinking into Savasana I knew I had found something I enjoy and connected with a doorway to health and happiness. Class wrapped in that position as I lay with a cool cloth over my forehead and eyes that smelled of lemon and jasmine I believe.

I learned that stepping outside of comfort isn't such a bad thing and that perhaps I should do it more often. I cannot wait until tomorrow. My daughter is excited as well. We will continue with a few more warm classes before trying a hot class. Even then it will be a hot simple class. It's nice to have found something I can do with friends, my daughter or just myself. My husband is coaching this year and getting out for the occasional hockey game once again now that his MCL feels good, my girls have their horseback riding and ringette and for a while I really felt like I was just a mom bound to home and chores but there's so much more when we 'make time'! <--That is the key!

Going forward I will make time for me. I will allow myself to try new things and cross my line of comfort. These things feel good and good is a part of over all happiness.

The advantages of practicing yoga far out weigh not doing it. As I suffer from headaches/migraines from nerve damage/aggravation since my car accident as well as anxiety related to driving and of course trying new things yoga will be exceptionally beneficial.

It's amazing how feeling good and having pleasant things in life can make a person feel so uplifted and positive. This week the kids I watch are all sick, runny noses, coughs, crying, fussing...and all that comes with feeling rotten. Times 3-4 that can make for one heck of an exhausting day, and really challenge nerves, however since I quit smoking and as I feel good, daily management is improved.

Today I feel like anything is possible. I should have remained connected to this feeling when I did the 30 day Yoga challenge a few months ago. I felt great, life was on a positive path. Sometimes a slip can really lead us astray. This time I won't bog myself down with plans but rather knowing what I would like to do, will cross things off as they land in my path. I have also started just writing ideas for things down jot note style in a book for later should I decide to do it or not the thought was put in writing.

Today I will live in the moment, enjoy everything as it comes, as it happens and welcome everything new. Tonight....I will make myself fresh ginger tea! I will also take high doses of Vitamin C in hopes of keeping this cold the kiddos have away.

Today My Name Is...Namaste!

Today My Name Is...Clarity

I realized after my last post that I had forgotten two very special dates and moments shared with very special people in September. After realizing that I forgot it got me to thinking how this is so often the case for busy people and even the not so busy folks. Many of us take for granted those we have in our lives and always assume they will be there. They are so close to us that like getting dressed each day sometimes we forget how truly special moments shared with them are.

One is that my husband and I celebrated 13 years married (17 together). 13 is our lucky number. My husband surprised me with a stunning bouquet of flowers, rainbow roses to be exact and 13 chocolate covered strawberries. After which we went out to the Keg, an anniversary tradition with friends of ours who share the same day as their anniversary. My love opened doors, pulled out chairs, he was over the top romantic. Great eats, fantastic company and we were off to the Casino. I have been in a casino before but never took part in any games aside from a penny slot once. So this was an adult moment really for me. We took our seats at a Black Jack table and played with our friends and others. My husband lost some and won some. I was nervous, not a card player at all but my girlfriend guided me and assisted me and I took the captains chair playing a few hands and did okay honestly. This was not something that I could become hooked on but it was nice. We returned home with less money than we put in but did not come home empty handed thanks to myself bringing us back from sitting with $5 left on the table. As I said it wasn't much but we left at least with about half of what we put in which was up from almost nil.

I feel very accomplished, truly blessed for the 17yrs shared and 13 married. It's a rarity now a days with divorce such a common occurrence. Like anything else my husband and I have done in life our marriage has taken work, it's had it's challenges, it's taken us on paths both difficult and amazing and all of it wrapped up in our unity has made us stronger and better people for it. I have learned a huge amount through these years and much from my husband. I look forward to many many more!

September also brought an exciting weekend spent in Banff at the Buffalo Mountain Lodge where two of our dear friends got married just the weekend after our anniversary. It was a special weekend spent again with the best of friends and a wonderful ceremony. It was all so magical, the scene beautiful and company abundantly perfect. The bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen attire was stunning, and the decorations fit ever so perfectly and the food was divine! Unfortunately it was only my husband, myself and our youngest as our oldest had ringette draft but we still enjoyed ourselves and our youngest danced the night away. We never got around to enjoying the hot pools so we made a family promise that we would book a night sometime soon to go back out there as a family of 4 and enjoy not only the hot pools and room but get out and around in Banff. So perhaps a Saturday soon we will escape for an over night family vacay. I look forward to it.

It's October already. Sad really how fast the days pass. My oldest daughter's team has been busy with practices and a bottle drive, bonding and decided on the team name Vivos which I believe they said is Latin for quick. She's focused and driven and working hard on flexibility training and on ice skill building. The months ahead will be busy for her between practices with two teams, off ice training and fundraising for her team and school. She mentioned a job would be nice but where she will fit that in with school as well is beyond me. I may have also forgotten to mention that she got her learners licence last month, now that was a shock to the parental system. She is really growing up. While I do not feel old it hits me that just a short period longer she will really rely on us for rides around, after that she gains basically full Independence! Hard to believe...now that goes to show how fast time goes by!!

My youngest has also been equally busy with her riding, even though it has gone down to one day each week. She keeps the remaining week days busy with clubs she's joined at school over lunch hour and after school. By day end she's napping before dinner or immediately following dinner. This month she and I will plan an early 12th birthday for her being that we will be in Mexico for her real birthday in December. I'm not 100% sure just what the party will involve but talk has been surrounding ice cream from Marble Slab Creamery. So a small part is planned. She also wants to get her ears once again pierced and in advance of December in the event we should have to remove the hoops again. This will be her third go at having her ears pierced. Both of my girls have metal sensitivities and have tried various metals with no luck. My oldest seems to have grown out of it in very recent years so she has gotten new piercings however our youngest will be back to lobes. I really hope perhaps with Titanium this time and about 4 yrs since the last set that she will be ok like her sister. I will update as birthday festivities and ear piercing unfolds. This month will also bring braces for my youngest and next month may be when our oldest gets hers off.

Now on day 10 since I butted out I'm feeling fantastic! It's really nice to be outside and breath in so many wonderful smells that come with fall. Positivity is a pleasant feeling. It's nice to have focus and a mind open and available to abundance instead of the past where my mind seemed consumed with when I'd have my next smoke. I love this path, one free of the addiction of smoking...I don't know why I ever go back to it.

I foresee October to be a really great month as well as every month there after. So much ahead to look forward to and so much to enjoy each day leading up to every other. It's time to refocus on health, family and what matters most. It's time to again find the me I've been longing for. I am excited for all the little tasks I will get done in the days ahead as I always have in the past when I quit smoking. I look forward to getting things painted, and crossing off items from our to do lists. Everything is possible.

I also decided that this time I will treat myself with something each week or every other week I haven't smoked. I did that years ago and was successful for two years. Treating with items that make me feel good help to keep me focused and on the right path. Perhaps these little treats will turn around to be steps in a Megan make over. :)

Today My Name Is Clarity

Today My Name Is...Fresh

Hello end of September, months of excuses and procrastination. There will always be a reason to make excuses. Well, in moving forward my hope is that I can learn to consume myself with alternatives than regress and go back to sparking up the almighty cancer stick.

This past Friday September 27th my husband and I smoked our last cigarette and butted out. We told our oldest that when the stress of evaluations for ringette were over and she was drafted to a team we would butt out. It's been a couple days, I was grumpier than everything so I basically locked myself in my room and holed up watching movies. Now Monday I seem to be coping okay. The biggest struggle will always be times of stress, and when we get together for drinks and visit with friends who smoke. This is where I will need to muster up the will to say no and avoid the temptation.

I have struggled with the loss of my grandmother, my mind filled with thoughts of my missing friend, in the past few months. I find that when I struggle with anything I am weak and make excuses as to why it's okay to fail and let myself down. I can start things with such determination, motivation and will power and then I give in to excuses that make it okay but leave me feeling like a failure.

I cannot make promises that I will not slip up. I cannot promise I will not fail but I can say that I am going to do my damnedest to be strong and get back to that place I was at just a few months ago where I felt strong, healthy, happy and able to conquer anything.

A few things I was so on board with such as the 52 month money challenge went out the door as soon as smoking again consumed us. Our funds went to cigarettes and a challenge failed. Smoking really put myself and my husband in a blah place. We had no desire to get stuff done and I realize this more and more as I glanced back through past posts. I stopped typing because in reality I was outside smoking. I didn't get stuff done that I wanted to because I was blah or the funds were put to smoking instead of some upgrade. I write this now in hopes that next time I consider sparking up I will see how it really affected all areas of our life. As a smoker one doesn't focus as much on living healthy since we are already poisoning ourselves. I look forward to refocusing and starting fresh!

This post won't be all about smoking or starting fresh. I won't be goal setting today or planning out fun creative things to do around the house. Today I will simply update. Going forward I intend to take each day one step at a time, one day at a time and focus on the day at hand and present.

Instead for the next while my intention is to focus on how I cope, what I do daily, and maintain my blog. I will write about things that help, daily struggles and the positives each day I face.

Since my last update summer has come and gone. We got out camping a few times. I seriously hope that 2014 will bring a long season of camping for us. 2-4 times out is just not enough to make having a trailer worth while at all. We did decide this season though that the set up and take down of a tent trailer in combination with 2 kids and 3 dogs does not work for us. So we intend to purchase a trailer come the RV show.

 

                                                         http://www.northernlightswildlife.com/

August we crossed off another bucket list item. Our youngest asked us last summer if we could go to the Northern Lights Wolf Centre in Golden BC. So this August we made a point of taking it in on our way to Kelowna. The wasps in BC were horrible this year however it did not take away from our visit to the centre. It was neat to be able to get up so close to the wolves. They were all sleeping in the heat of the day but amazing none the less. We listened to one of the girls that works there talk about wolf population in BC and Alberta and so much more. It was quiet interesting. All of the wolves there came as pups and will not be re-released. They will live out their lives at the centre to educate people. It was very intimate and hands on. Perhaps next summer we will take in the Grizzly Bears.

 

Wasps were no less horrible in Kelowna. We found ourselves in a daily fight to ward off wasps to avoid bites and stings. Each day down at the beach a child would be stung. It made me wonder how all of those mother's didn't know better. Feeding sugary drinks and snacks on the beach to their young children was a clear invitation to the wasps and they came. We brought water down and that was it. We ate our meals inside our room as well as our snacks and the resort would not feed anyone on the patio due to the wasp issue.

Despite the wasps we really did have a wonderful vacation packed with family visits, learning to paddle board which I have to say was quite fun and even relaxing. We made it to Penticton to ride the canal with my long time friends. This year the canal was a slow 4 hr ride. 4 hrs landed all of us great burns! Totally sarcastic! We were burnt. The ride was a bit long and we all got into the water at some point to cool down. Our visit with my friends was well worth the drive as always and I look forward to it once again next season.

We were able to get out camping twice more before summer came to an end. Once at Sandy McNabb campground near Black Diamond and September long weekend at Rocky Mountain House. In between our oldest rocked 2 weeks of on and off ice ringette camp and celebrated her 14th birthday. 14!!! I was a bit sad to be truthful. 14 to me meant a year closer to Independence and a learners license! A learners was the first step to adulthood and no longer needing mom or dad.



The girls were pleased to start school, Grade 6 & 9! Both were content with their teachers and our oldest couldn't have been more happy with her options which was surprising as one was a Math option! September was a very full month. The girls took in an art exhibit at ACAD which impressed both. My oldest intends to one day go there. Ringette took over September with AA tryouts at the start. No AA this year which is fine. Our oldest is first year U16. It was a slightly disappointing month ringette wise for our oldest. She shone on the ice during evals, however with the way the decision was made for team layout, 1 A team, 2 B teams she went B however affiliates for A. Additionally she shares the season with a new goalie which was also a bit of a let down. As a former coach I was disappointed that the association made the decision to lay out teams as they did because the decision really cut off many players at the knee who could play A with ease. There was more than enough talent for 2 A teams. My daughter took everything in stride and I find kids generally do and as parents we learn a thing or two from them. Everything happens for a reason right? We look forward to the season ahead and are pleased that our daughter landed on a fantastic team with a great group of girls and parents and an amazing coach.

Draft is over and now that teams are set it's time to balance life and refocus! We promised we would quit smoking and are making every step to be successful. Additionally I have promised my oldest that her and I will start Yoga as soon as we have the practice schedule so we will attempt to get that set up and get a class or two in this week. My husband is also taking our oldest to a goal tending flexibility teacher which has been a hit :)

Our youngest has gone from riding twice a week to once a week and we decided not to continue leasing through the winter months. She informed us that she would like to try out for school teams and do stuff with friends. She loves riding but has not been wanting to go for her hacks so we made the decision to terminate the lease and save ourselves a bit of $$. I am going to look into swimming lessons for her to add something else to her plate to keep her busy and maintain exercise. We feel it's very important that children be active.



With a new school year underway and season of sports we know there's a lot to be added to our plates in the coming months. Fundraising, traveling, nights spent at arenas and stables, crockpot meals and occasionally or more often than not the feeling of being over whelmed and wishing there were more hours in each day. I think last year was so far to date the best year for balance and in part because I was not on ice and trying to balance in coaching as well. As much as I love ringette and coaching I am quite content with the balance I have found sitting on the side line. It's quite a perfect place to be.

I look forward to balanced updates and each post in stride. Perhaps reality is the better way to take things. Day by day and realistically.

Today My Name is Fresh....like the start I feel...cheers to anew!

Today My Name Is....Lost

It's been 2 months since my last update. Terrible I know. It's been busy to say the least and I have been lost, consumed in a whirlwind of blah.

To sum up what we have been up to...
-a weekend camping...it was wonderful although my husband and oldest daughter were in Beaumont for Lacrosse Provincials and my youngest daughter was camping with her grandparents as she had a riding show.
-My oldest daughter's lacrosse team won GOLD in provincials.

-My youngest placed 2nd, 5th & 7th in her show doing 1ft verticles, ride against the clock and basic seat equitation. That was July long weekend.

 -Recently my youngest had her 3rd show and competed after being ill for 4 days with a high fever. Nothing could stop her from her show although I am sure had she felt 100% her performance would have been better, regardless she placed 2nd twice and 5th twice. Lots of ribbons adorning her walls.

 -we got the firepit finally and at last got it hooked up. LOVE it!! It's been 2yrs since the gasline was installed and has been waiting to be hooked up.

-We took in the Calgary Stampede where the girls enjoyed rides, food and great entertainment. The theme was "Hell or High Water" after Calgary flooded. In less than 2 weeks, downtown area where the Stampede is held was cleaned and the hard round the clock workers made it possible for the Stampede to go forward.

In fact we chose the day we went July 13th to see Walk Off the Earth and wouldn't you know we ran into them in the BMO center! The girls were over the moon.

-Crossing off a Bucket List item we went and did the Banff Gondola. Amazing if you have never been. The views were breath taking. We rode up in Gondola #11. Not surprised since that number still turns up multiple times a day for me.













-I got 2 flowerbeds dug and planted! The backyard has life!! YAY! I still want to add more but they will have to wait until next year, just as the one I wish to plant in the front will have to wait as well. They look amazing and have grown so much!

That's basically the down low on the last two months. Work has consumed both my husband and I. We've tried fitting in things like hanging pictures that we've been putting off. This weekend being August long we will sadly not be camping. So instead we will be home doing yard work, housework, closing in the deck, painting, having a garage sale, having one of the girls cousins up to hang out and perhaps more but I don't want to over plan and feel let down. I'm sure there will be a BBQ, and lots of time around the firepit.

In June Calgary flooded and a state of emergency was called. The flooding extended through Canmore and all the way down to Medicine Hat. Being that it was so widespread the worst being High River, many campgrounds that were affected have been closed down. This leaves few areas to camp and on a long weekend the few available are well booked. So we will enjoy this weekend playing catch up and getting ready to depart to BC the following weekend for a much needed family vacation.

As Calgary and surrounding areas flooded we hoped the rescue missions would perhaps stumble on something that would bring a lead to my girlfriends dissapearance but that has not been the case and she is still missing. It will be 1yr tomorrow and it breaks my heart. My husband and I went for coffee with her mom and chat with her every few days. I cannot begin to imagine the pain she feels not knowing where her daughter is every day. I pray that answers come soon.

I have been counting points for Weight Watchers the last 2 weeks, although have days I slip up. Summer is a hard time to try and get back on track. Forming a habit during summer with BBQ's and drinks with friends makes it a struggle. However I have done ok and have lost 5 pounds. Not much but it's a start. Hopefully the next week before holidays will see me a few pounds lighter.

So that's about it...just an update. Still trying to get my shit together and stay in that happy place I was a few months ago. Headaches are still abundant and that plays a big part in how I feel. Perhaps Yoga will help when I can get back on board with that as well. I'm running behind the wagon and can hopefully jump back on in the weeks to come.

Today My Name Is...Lost

Today My Name Is...Ketchup

So much to catch up on...so far behind.

 

What did the Mommy tomato say to the baby tomato?....Ketchup Which is pretty much how this post will go.

Well shitty news...I've failed my Weight Watchers challenge this month. :( Perhaps taking on one too many challenges was setting myself up for this, perhaps as the reality of lacrosse consuming time and my mind swept up in where my friend could be took it's toll on my blog. Whatever the case...I'm updating now and will continue and will face, complete and see success in upcoming challenges! I promise!

So my last day was #9 so I will go from there and this update will be a long updated list. Literally!

30 Day List Challenge:

#10- On My Wishlist
-new tile floor or laminate or lino...don't really care just new main flooring to ditch the horrible lino!
-to win the lotto, doesn't have to be huge even
-to get the flowerbeds dug and planted!
-New TFal slicer
-will power ;)
-new vacuum power head
-vacation for my hubby and I... (ONLY US!)

#11- Date Night Ideas
-Dinner and a movie
-Bowling
-Runaway to Banff for a night
-Evening out to a pub with or without friends
-Wine tasting
-Romantic dinner somewhere special
-Just dessert...just the two of us
***I have just realized our lack of dates and us time has left me date night clueless!***

#12- Weekly Rituals
-Saturday- I plan meals for the week(s) ahead
-Sunday, house cleaning, groceries, clean Viggos cage, yell at kids to finish homework ;)
-Monday, meal plan morning for night ahead, get barrings, list Must Do's for week
-Tuesday, plan early dinner for horseback hack, figure out lacrosse for the week rides and juggling
-Wednesday, laundry, midweek chores, evening running errands
-Thursday, plan early dinner for riding lessons, lacrosse...bills and budgeting!
-Friday, list of weekend to do's. Early dinner for dance Friday's. Get supplies for weekend to do's, and stop at store for wine or beer...well deserved by Friday haha
-Saturday...Meal plan and do the huge To Do list lol

#13- DIY's I want to try
-Valance for Living room on main floor
-tire & sisal ottoman
-Laundry counter
-black pipe console table for foyer
-farmhouse style kitchen table
-peacock painted stemless wine glasses
-potholder flat iron holder (for me and the girls for travel and storage)
-beer bottle candles for deck and camping
-make sand dollar picture for bathroom with sand dollars from Vancouver Island
-life rocks (rocks with friends notes or special sayings) in a glass vase
-branch tree to hang necklaces (make for girls)

#14- Things I Love About....My Family
-They are always there for me and one another
-we share strength and motivate one another
-best friends
-all work for greater good for one another
-happy to all hang out together, watch movies, do crafts, visit, games, read or whatever
-we all love to do adventurous things like the tower drop in Revelstoke
-we love nature and camping
-all passionate about animals
-try to do something every year that benefits others, donating time, clothes, household, money, time...
-love being active
-love cooking, baking and dining
-we all love to travel and that's met with few to no complaints during travel
-hard working be it work, home or school
-we all love one another to infinity & beyond

#15 - On my shopping list
-white vinegar
-butter unsalted
-mixed nuts
-almond milk
-milk
-eggs
-cheese
-broccoli
-dish soap
-toilet paper
**the list to date**

#16- Places to See in Calgary
-Calgary Tower
-Eau Claire Market
-Devonian Gardens
-Stephan Avenue
-Many Parks Elbow Park, Glenmore Park, Nose Hill, Stanley Park, Confederation Park...
-Heritage Park
-Fish Creek Park
-Zoo
-Peace Bridge
-Kensington

#17- Words that are Hard to Spell
-Conscious
-Nauseous
-Acknowledgement
-Conscientious
-Calendar
-Convenient

#18- Road Trip Must Haves
-Toilet paper or kleenex
-good tunes!
-munchies
-water/juice

#19- Recipes I want to try
-Tropical Cucumber Salad
-Cilantro Chili Chicken
-Quick Quinoa & Turkey Taco Stew
-Green Mac & Cheese
-Crock Pot Mexican Stuffed Bell Peppers
-Blackened Chicken and Mango Salad with Creamy Avocado dressing

#20- Celebrity Crushes
-JOHN FRUSCIANTE
-Tatum Channing
-Johnny Depp
-Tom Hardy
-Curtis Stone
-Barry Pepper
-Peter Facinelli
-Gary Oldman
-Everlast
-Carey Hart
-Travis Barker
Mad Child
-Gerard Butler

#21- Things to do this Spring
-YARD WORK! Get gardening!
-Camp

#22- Today I saw
-Rain on the windows
-wind through the trees
-my girls work together to find a resolution to a problem
-my youngest eating spinach salad with strawberry and mango without complaint or a word!
-chores done without being asked

30 Day Marriage Challenge

#10- Today's focus kindness - always something I try to focus on in life
#11- Tell him, "I'm so glad I married you." This is something I say often and he always says 'To Infinity & Beyond :)
#12- Pray for Wisdom in being a wife. It's not always easy but as the years go on we grow together and that really helps in everything going as they are meant.
#13- Do not use sarcasm today with your husband. Gotcha haha.
#14- Remember being a wife is a blessing. It really is. I think of others and how fortunate I am to have my love and soul mate in my life, my best friend to share my days and make memories with. Some haven't found that yet, or thought they did and it didn't pan out.
#15- Think only positive thoughts about your husband. It's easy when I have such an amazing man.
#16- Thank him for all that he does for your family. It's important to tell those in life that they are appreciated and he is.
#17- Laugh with your husband today. Being a Friday made it easy ;)
#18- Who is a wife you admire? Try being more like her today. My girlfriends mother, she gives completely to those around her, keeps a neat home, cooks good food and cares for her husband in all that he does.
#19- Don't ask him to do any chores or 'Honey Do's'. Took it easy and took in extra lacrosse at his request. :)
#20- Today's Focus Patience. I did but it was hard and had nothing to do with him.
#21- Forgive him when he makes a mistake. Part of life is making mistakes to learn and grow.
#22- Assume the best about your husband.

So tomorrow is day #23 for both and today I sit pissed at myself for falling off the weight watchers wagon. I'm hoping this upset just encourages me more to succeed and start new.

What I know is that I need a month to focus away from TV, away from computers and technology and focus on reading and clearing my head and reconnecting with myself. I felt that I was connecting in the past few months and really slipped this month. There's no better time like the present to hit restart though....correct?

Today My Name Is...Ketchup

HAVE YOU SEEN THS PERSON?

Today My Name is....Why?

HOT!!! LOVE Thursdays...always have. It used to be because Thursday meant CSI night, now it means horseback riding night and it's the day before Friday and Fridays are always great! Today it's especially wonderful because it's 26 degrees out which for the most part is equivalent to Calgary summers so it's like enjoying a great summer day.

Today was about sun, fun, I ordered Banff Gondola tickets which should be here soon. They won't be here in time for Mother's Day on Sunday which is too bad. I thought they might be print off ready but the voucher gets mailed. All good as we can plan to do more later. So I will re plan a date night for my hubs and I.

My #9 Marriage Challenge is, 'Imagine how it feels to be in your husbands shoes.'
I get up at the same time as him. Typically I am actually up before him now as my body is still somewhat in 4:30am yoga mood, so if he doesn't get up with his alarm I urge him to get up. He works long days as a shop foreman for a welding shop. On days like today it's ridiculously hot in the shop. I know this because he calls and complains. The coolest area then ends up being outside in the shade. Hot days take lots more out of him so he gets home wanting to relax in a cool room and often with a cold drink. I wish I could relate to where his head is at when I think of things like Mother's Day, Birthdays and anniversaries. I am the type to think ahead and plan special stuff. Men however I think have a one track mind, so beyond thinking about dinner and driving home to get dinner, thinking outside the box of stopping to get something is hard. My husband is not a planner, or a romantic. If he gets hockey tickets he tells me same day, if he has to go out of town for work he tells me at bed time that he will be out of town the next day. I often wonder how men's mind work. Women's are like a computer with 2036 windows open.

Day #9 of the List Challenge, 'Favorite Websites & Blogs'
-Facebook
-Instagram
-The Inspired Organizer
-Janet & Greta - Good Food, Good Health, Good Fun!
-Jamieleigh's Parrot Help
-Avian Organics
-A Life of Green - My Eclectus Parrot Blog
-Calgary's Very Own Bird Lady
-MLS.ca I love browsing through houses
-kijiji.ca where I find second hand furniture to give a face lift

I have a 9yr old Red Sided Male Eclectus parrot thus the multiple parrot websites and blogs. I am always researching information on diet, foraging and hormones in regards to the care and keeping of him. I started my own blog for him when my boy was hormonal - A Life of Green. I haven't been great at keeping it updated so maybe I should get on it. I love parrots, I love animals in general but I will say, a parrot is not a pet for a person who likes their house to be spotless, or quiet, or for the person who likes to travel. Much like a dog they need time out, to be fed 1 or more times and day and human interaction. Parrots cannot be left with dishes of food and water for long periods. My male Eclectus Viggo eats fresh fruits, veggies and sprouts which would all spoil and he eats more than once so when I want to go away I have a sitter we use and love. He's been like having a toddler in the house for 9 years.

3 of 4 of my dayhome kids napped today. It was a play hard day and the heat hit them all. So a quiet afternoon I enjoyed.

*****************************************************************************
~UPDATE~

I suck, plainly put. It's May 16th and I have not updated in days! Since last Friday I have struggled immensely. I wouldn't say I am down per say just, okay maybe I am. I have been happy and days have been good. I got news that one of my dear friends has been missing for almost one year and it's pretty much a cold case, no vehicle, no nadda. So very strange and out of character for the person she was. It saddened me deeply and has occupied my mind immensely. I have been in touch with her mother to offer support in any way I can. Our family's have always had a connection be it sports, school, death, birth, support we have always intertwined. My girlfriend was a pillar of support through my school years, her mother kept an open door and open arms. While we haven't been in touch in very recent years I think of her often.

At first I thought my guts rolling was the flu creeping up as one of the little ones I care for fell ill last Friday but as the weekend and now week has gone on I feel this sense of urgency and concern. I am sad to say that I have even smoked this week. In the past I have resorted back when I felt stress or loss and reached for my crutch. I was so positive, so motivated and determined that the fact I sparked up and have had a few feels as though I am failing me and only adds to my struggle. Additionally as an emotional eater I have crapped my weight watchers count. Life shouldn't stop because a stone falls in one's path but as a mother I feel sick for this family I cared for very much. My heart is shaken and trying to remain positive with hope.

I can't help but think and wonder why....I had a dream or a nightmare rather...sleep has been sparse...

I have done my list challenge as well as my marriage challenge but have struggled elsewhere. I have questioned why this is bothering me so and the only thing I can surmise is that in my younger years when I struggled and my life was in a crappy place my friend was there all the way and left foot prints on my heart. Now where ever she is she deserves that much from me.

I will update tomorrow with my lists in one long update post. For now it's catch up time. I have spent the last few days in the company of friends I am closest with and my family and have neglected grocery lists, banking and all the rest. So until tomorrow....

Today My Name is....Why?