Today My Name is...Wow

You know those wow moments? Well I have had a few over the past hmm...since I did the last post. You know the wow...shit I ate too much....WOW look at that weight today...wow I feel crappy...wow I need to do something...wow my life could be worse, I'm lucky and just wallowing....WOW

Ya just a ton of wows. I have been in a fairly decent place. Still not feeling myself, busy as always. Ringette parent party, did an early birthday for our youngest as we will be away on her actual birthday. Both the parent party and my daughters birthday went very well. My daughter has such wonderful friends, as do we, I couldn't have landed with better parents to share a season of ringette with.

My mother is super ill with pneumonia and I am super worried. Being that I am not 100% better myself I don't want to venture over and get her even sicker. Though she did say I should have brought her come coconut lime chicken last night. :( I will make it when she feels better. There's been a lot going on, kind of one of those whirl wind weeks, tornado's of sorts.

I got to a point where I was like slapped with a wake up...so I am counting points. Everything in moderation. So far so good. I am using an APP on my phone that tracks weight loss and shows milestones broken into 10 small achievable goals. That makes it possible when looking daily...steps right? So far so good but it's only been a few days. The damn Halloween chocolates are still in the house but only until tomorrow night...then after I have given it out I have to find will power to not raid or ask my girls for a treat. I look forward to tomorrow night and goods being gone. It's harder to munch from the kids loot.

I have been working on photo books...2 years done, working on a third. My Internet provider came out but did so on a day when I had NO issues...unreal. So the net is back to running slower again. I don't know what's worse...screwing around with changes again in modems ect or leaving things and hoping for a good connection? Hopefully I can get these books done before November. My brain is ready to scream at me as I try to strain to remember which pictures go where...

I haven't been reading like I had hoped to, but the plan is still there. I did do cross stitch one day in hopes of furthering myself in my orca cross stitch. I didn't make it far. :*( My arm pissed me off with a bad cramp and that just got me in a mood. It is frustrating to be reminded on a daily basis my limitations from the accident.

No Yoga. That's been the worst part. It had me feeling great and I need that now to continue with will and motivation. Still battling this cold and having evenings of not feeling great I haven't gone. I have one week left to cram in a few classes and try at least one hot class. I WILL DO IT!!

I also got a call this past week from my girlfriends mother. As I posted earlier my girlfriend Sara went missing. Well her mother called to tell me they found her van, just west of Wiaporous on the Morley Reserve. That was a big blow. Van found and belongings pretty much tells a grim tale. I was heart broken. Obviously an investigation is under going now, but my girlfriend has not been found. My heart hurts for her family, I cannot begin to imagine what her mother feels nor do I wish to. I hope to see her mother in the days to come to be there as a source of support.

11's have been constant through all of this and that is comforting. It reminds me of my grandmother and gives me a sense of peace. Even with everything I haven't binged on food or sparked up. When I have felt at my lowest in moments this week it has been then that I have seen Canadian Geese flying in their V...another strong sense my grandmother is with me. I know it sounds crazy but I like to think that she is though not in the physical sense.

I saw this tattoo and it reminded me of her, I love it and would like something relatively similar one day.

Plate feels a little full as I post this. Ya it's been a lot to take. I feel like if I can just manage counting points and feel better about my weight then I can grip and manage a few other things in life. Funny how when one sees themselves and feels good that things around them seem to work smoothly. I hope to feel that WOW...I feel good...WOW I can do anything...WOW look and what I wanted to do and did it!! I love seeing to do lists with crossed off items, and seeing big ticket items crossed it such a rush. When I do these I know I can do anything, therefore I feel more apt to doing bucket list items...

I still need to meet up with Dew Drop for the products I raved about looking forward to try. I haven't but as you see my plate has been full. I also don't want to get the owner ill as she herself is such a busy wonderful motivated driven woman and I would dislike being the person to hold her back.

Maybe one day I will actually finish my biggest task...to finish the book I have now been working on for hmm....like 10 years! I have written and re-written, edited, written from different points of view...dreamt about it...perhaps publishing it will come to fruition. Would be nice....now that would be a WOW moment.

Anyways it's been a real whirl wind. I look forward to Halloween tomorrow, the ghouls, goblins, my girls all dressed up out with their friends, happy kids dressed up and being free of the chocolate that sits in the box...me VS my will. ICK!

So Happy HALLOWEEN. Chat soon! Positive vibes that I am able to chill with will power.

Today My Name is...WOW!

Today My Name is...Need Self-Motivation

I'm frustrated with myself today. Last night I would have liked to go to yoga, but as I am still feeling a tad under the weather I figured I should not push my limits and go to hard too fast. So smaller steps and hope to return Thursday. I wish I could kick this lingering cough that is accompanied by short breath.

While still trying to remain somewhat motivated and determined I have been working on photo books...still! Due to slow, insanely slow uploads and connection issues it's taking far longer. Our provider is coming today to have a look and switch our modem. Fingers crossed that everything resumes. I would like to get these photo books done by the end of October and start focusing on another area in my life that I know could use organization.

The past few days I have really learned that I am an emotional eater. I want so badly to lose weight and feel the way I did a few years ago. I'm not asking for 105 or 110 pounds again but at least 20 pounds would be nice. It won't be any easy task though on the path I am on. I need to find the will power like I have by quitting smoking. When I get down, have a crappy day, frustrated I tend to eat whatever and thus lack of weight loss. Yesterday I made cupcakes...bad fatty cupcakes but they were oh so good! The making of these delicious treats amounted to eating one and then making an excuse that if I'd already screwed my daily point count I should just eat more and screw the days count. I did so. There's still cupcakes in the fridge loaded with butter cream icing and boy they are tempting.

If I could find the determination and will power to go 2 weeks I am positive I could go one month. At the one month mark typically I have settled into habits and routine that allows me to continue. I did weight watchers years ago with great success. No exercise at all although as the weight dropped my energy level increased and I found myself naturally being active. I crave that so bad right now but keep stumbling on the steps to get there and my eating habits, cravings and excuses don't help myself or my family. If I bring in crap munchies or do late night binging you can be sure that everyone else is on board to help out. The only upside to that is that I don't consume it all on my own.

Treating myself with items for not smoking helps but I need to find something that is motivating enough to assist with focused weight loss or more to the point, healthy eating and appropriate portion sizes. I think I will revert to what I did years ago by posting a picture of me in a swimsuit on the fridge.

So I googled: Lack of Motivation... <---That is totally me when it comes to weight loss and overall health, and I found this great website! It's called Pick Your Brain. I cannot wait to read more. It summed me up in the first paragraph pretty much....Below is directly from the page. Check it out for so much more!! PICK THE BRAIN

"There is no simple solution for a lack of motivation. Even after beating it, the problem reappears at the first sign of failure. The key is understanding your thoughts and how they drive your emotions. By learning how to nurture motivating thoughts, neutralize negative ones, and focus on the task at hand, you can pull yourself out of a slump before it gains momentum.

Reasons We Lose Motivation

There are 3 primary reasons we lose motivation.

1. Lack of confidence – If you don’t believe you can succeed, what’s the point in trying?
2. Lack of focus – If you don’t know what you want, do you really want anything?
3. Lack of direction – If you don’t know what to do, how can you be motivated to do it?"

Today My Name is...Need Self-Motivation

Today My Name Is...Recovering

I've been down for a week with a cold. I really despise being ill. No matter what home remedies I try or what I do to take care of myself it never fails, I always get sick and tend to get it bad. After one week of taking it easy I am done. It's seriously deflating to get going on something and then get knocked down with a cold. So alas, my eating has had better days as I tend to eat whatever when I am sick. I am still not smoking and cannot wait to return to yoga. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to return. After having missed a week I am eager to get back at it.

 

Today was really the first day I have felt well enough to do much. Yesterday I managed to clean a bathroom but the rest of Sunday I laid in bed. Today I have tidied, attempted to get back on track with my organizing however Internet connectivity is causing a bit of an issue in completing my task. The past few days while taking it easy I have been trying to organize family pictures from 2009 until now in photo books to get printed. I have long been talking about getting pictures printed and putting them in albums but I really like the looks of the photo books. It's been taking forever to download pictures so I am assuming based on the past that this is because of my provider. I will touch base in regards to that with the company. It's seriously aggravating!

I have not read as much as I had hoped of the book the Happiness Project. With my sinuses screaming at me and head pounding, reading has been the last thing on my mind. Perhaps later this week I will get around to a few chapters. I also hope to get on a cross stitch that I started ages ago. I am hoping to have both the book and cross stitch completed by the end of November so I better get on just a bit a day.

While sick and bummed that I was missing yoga I entered a contest where I had to enter a life phrase I live by. So I entered the saying, "If you love life then you shouldn't waste time, for time is the stuff life is made of." by Benjamin Franklin. Anyways, all names for the contest were entered and my name was drawn!!! I was super excited about this contest as it's a natural product that I have been curious about for a while. With funds a bit tighter at this time of year I knew it would be a real stretch to purchase, but having won I will now get to try them! The company is Dew Drop Aromatherapy. The products are for skin care, specifically for the face! I could not be more excited to try a natural product on my skin especially since it's been breaking out badly in recent months and I cannot find a product that helps with dry peeling skin or breakouts. As a teen and 20's I had perfect flawless skin. Now not so much. I guess I was lucky though I mean if a woman is to get breakouts it's better to be married and older right? Anyways hopefully this product loves my skin and does wonders. I will definitely update. I wish I could find the website as there are many other natural products.

Being ill and confined to bed I missed my oldest daughter's first ringette game. As I love the sport it was brutal to miss out. They won 7-1. My daughter almost got a shut out. In the last minutes someone said the dreaded word and as always happens a goal was scored. Yes, we are superstitious. I think most athletes are to be honest. For a goalie though that is a huge no no. It was a great start to the season with a win like that and she came home over the moon about her play. I had texts from the parents with updates, especially when she made an incredible save in the last minutes.

Next weekend we are doing a birthday for my youngest daughter so this week I will need to prepare the house and myself to a few girls and the activities to come. Can't say I love parties but the plan is to completely tire them out, let them decorate cupcakes, eat ice cream and then hope they fall asleep and not keep me up all night. Wishful thinking I'm betting.

My youngest also got her braces on this past Friday. Poor child. Unlike my oldest who gets hers off in the next month, my youngest doesn't share the same pain tolerance and really felt it all weekend. Lots of Advil and naps. Now Monday she seems to have adjusted but the braces have only just been put on, they will be tightened in early December and I am positive that will bring on another struggle for a few days.

Not much else to report to be honest. I am trying to get back in control of what's been left on the sideline the past few days. I wanted to post though so not to think I have yet again left the blog hanging or fell off the wagon once again.

Today My Name is...recovering

Today My Name Is...Thankful

 

I am a fighter, I'm driven to continue moving forward letting nothing stop or slow me. Well....ok, maybe this cold I have is slowing me down a smidge but I have still gotten out to yoga and that feels great!

I have now been to 4 classes and am in love. I love my mat time, 75 minutes to focus on myself, my goals. Yoga really teaches so much more than stretching and flexibility. That 75 minutes my mind is on one thing and that is purely breathing, living, yoga. No matter what the pose or how challenging it may be, each moment feels great and it's a moment I am both thankful for and grateful for. I modify for my shoulders sake but hope that in time I will have more range and strength in my right arm. Yoga is the first thing that lets me feel accomplished and good. Some activities really make me feel as if I failed or that I cannot do them when I realize my limit due to my arm and it's frustrating. Yoga is really relaxing, rewarding and renewing. It's something that allows me to feel a sense of long over due recovery. I also feel a sense of new found confidence having now done something outside of my comfort zone.

In the week ahead I hope to try a hot Yin class as well as a Hot Restorative. These classes are both ground work, long relaxing poses and being that they are on the ground I feel that doing a hot class under these circumstances will give me courage to do them and build from there.

Aside from feeling great with myself and enjoying the classes, I really enjoy doing it with my daughter and more recently my girlfriend just today.

This weekend I have as mentioned been battling a cold. Last week all the little ones I watch fought colds and I dreaded getting sick myself. I drank lots of water, purelled my hands, took hot Epsom salt baths and vicks vapored my chest and feet but alas this cold still came and it hangs on. Congestion is so irritating! I really dislike the congested head cold feeling, plugged ears, heavy head, stuffed nose, tickle in the back of the throat. So I continue to rest, drink Cboost to get my vitamin C, tea, chicken noodle soup and lots of water. Arius decongestant has allowed for interim relief to make it to yoga and I believe that by still going and doing yoga it's helped my body fight the cold and keep it from being really bad.

It was Thanksgiving weekend and I for one am so very thankful for so much. I am thankful for my ever supportive amazing husband with whom I love so greatly no words can express. I am thankful for my two beautiful daughters who are so wonderful and are really a breeze and so unique, I am ever the proud mother and love watching them grow and mature. I am thankful that my parents and my in-laws are all still with us, without them a piece of us would be lost, they support and love us just as we support and love them. I am grateful for my husbands grandmother that is still with us, despite our differences she adores our girls, and they adore her, time with great grandparents is a treasure. I am thankful for our close family of friends who like our family support us, they are all key people in our lives and we are fortunate to have such amazing friends. I am thankful for good health for myself, my family and friends. I am thankful for all the battles, rocks in my path and lessons, the people who have come and gone, I have had to learn as they have made me who I am now and I am grateful for every day I get to better get to know myself and continue growing. Everything no matter how big or small teaches us something daily about ourselves and what we take from these lessons makes us who we are.

I am thankful for the daily #11's I see. I say this because I have seen the #11 repeatedly since my grandmother's passing. I feel strongly that it's her way of remaining with me and letting me know she is ok. Without these daily reminders I feel that it would have been much harder dealing with the loss of her. I am thankful for moments when the song 'You are my Sunshine,' or 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' play as I feel even closer to her without the actual physical sense. I really miss her, but I am thankful she didn't have to suffer.

Last night was spent at my in-laws for dinner and we had a wonderful time, many laughs, good food, great stories and time well spent. I was sad to not spend thanksgiving with my sister and her family as well as my parents. It's sad and hard to be so far away from my sister and nieces. My girls and my husband and I are all missing out on seeing them grow and evolve as little ladies, and I miss time spent with my sister. I am thankful for the time we do spend together though and I look forward to it immensely.

It has been a wonderful albeit a very relaxing weekend. Lovingly spent with my husband, girls, in-laws, friend and my mind of memories and those I wish I had with me to spend time with this past weekend. I am grateful for each moment I have here on earth spent with those who matter most.

Today My Name Is Thankful

Today My Name is...Namaste

Last night I summoned up the courage to venture out and do an activity in unfamiliar surroundings with unfamiliar people.

Anyone who knows me knows I have anxiety surrounding trying new things, especially if it involves people I do not know. I like comfort in security of the known. The unknown to me teeters on the side of fear. I don't know why I am like this. I haven't always been like this. This anxiety about trying new things keeps me from stepping out of my perfect comfort zone and really living and trying new exciting things or making new friends.

So last night in the company of my oldest daughter we went to a yoga studio. I'm working towards trying an actual Hot Yoga class. Hot yoga is on my Bucket List of things to do, it's also hugely out of my comfort zone but I am very curious. Anyways, we went and tried a warm class geared more towards new yogis. It was everything I imagined after I got past the stress of a new environment and new people.

It took getting there and laying down to really key in that everyone there was there for themselves. They were not there to watch me or anyone else. Each person there for the enjoyment of yoga and meeting their own personal goals of health and wellness. As we laid on our mats warming up and waiting for the teacher we allowed the atmosphere to invite us in and relax us. The music was calming, very soothing, as was the heat. The instructors voice was very guiding and it too very relaxing. She led us easily through poses and helped us to better understand movement and support to help relieve the pain in poses. It all made immense sense and felt too good, I could have done another class after I was sure. Each pose allowed me to see where I was at and gave me an opportunity to set personal goals in the coming months. The classroom environment really allows for inner connection and a sense of who we are, the connection was almost immediate. I am not one to really enjoy heat, let alone humidity but it eased muscles and felt good. I could really feel the sweat through the poses and by the end I was positive I was not ready for back to back classes. Sinking into Savasana I knew I had found something I enjoy and connected with a doorway to health and happiness. Class wrapped in that position as I lay with a cool cloth over my forehead and eyes that smelled of lemon and jasmine I believe.

I learned that stepping outside of comfort isn't such a bad thing and that perhaps I should do it more often. I cannot wait until tomorrow. My daughter is excited as well. We will continue with a few more warm classes before trying a hot class. Even then it will be a hot simple class. It's nice to have found something I can do with friends, my daughter or just myself. My husband is coaching this year and getting out for the occasional hockey game once again now that his MCL feels good, my girls have their horseback riding and ringette and for a while I really felt like I was just a mom bound to home and chores but there's so much more when we 'make time'! <--That is the key!

Going forward I will make time for me. I will allow myself to try new things and cross my line of comfort. These things feel good and good is a part of over all happiness.

The advantages of practicing yoga far out weigh not doing it. As I suffer from headaches/migraines from nerve damage/aggravation since my car accident as well as anxiety related to driving and of course trying new things yoga will be exceptionally beneficial.

It's amazing how feeling good and having pleasant things in life can make a person feel so uplifted and positive. This week the kids I watch are all sick, runny noses, coughs, crying, fussing...and all that comes with feeling rotten. Times 3-4 that can make for one heck of an exhausting day, and really challenge nerves, however since I quit smoking and as I feel good, daily management is improved.

Today I feel like anything is possible. I should have remained connected to this feeling when I did the 30 day Yoga challenge a few months ago. I felt great, life was on a positive path. Sometimes a slip can really lead us astray. This time I won't bog myself down with plans but rather knowing what I would like to do, will cross things off as they land in my path. I have also started just writing ideas for things down jot note style in a book for later should I decide to do it or not the thought was put in writing.

Today I will live in the moment, enjoy everything as it comes, as it happens and welcome everything new. Tonight....I will make myself fresh ginger tea! I will also take high doses of Vitamin C in hopes of keeping this cold the kiddos have away.

Today My Name Is...Namaste!

Today My Name Is...Clarity

I realized after my last post that I had forgotten two very special dates and moments shared with very special people in September. After realizing that I forgot it got me to thinking how this is so often the case for busy people and even the not so busy folks. Many of us take for granted those we have in our lives and always assume they will be there. They are so close to us that like getting dressed each day sometimes we forget how truly special moments shared with them are.

One is that my husband and I celebrated 13 years married (17 together). 13 is our lucky number. My husband surprised me with a stunning bouquet of flowers, rainbow roses to be exact and 13 chocolate covered strawberries. After which we went out to the Keg, an anniversary tradition with friends of ours who share the same day as their anniversary. My love opened doors, pulled out chairs, he was over the top romantic. Great eats, fantastic company and we were off to the Casino. I have been in a casino before but never took part in any games aside from a penny slot once. So this was an adult moment really for me. We took our seats at a Black Jack table and played with our friends and others. My husband lost some and won some. I was nervous, not a card player at all but my girlfriend guided me and assisted me and I took the captains chair playing a few hands and did okay honestly. This was not something that I could become hooked on but it was nice. We returned home with less money than we put in but did not come home empty handed thanks to myself bringing us back from sitting with $5 left on the table. As I said it wasn't much but we left at least with about half of what we put in which was up from almost nil.

I feel very accomplished, truly blessed for the 17yrs shared and 13 married. It's a rarity now a days with divorce such a common occurrence. Like anything else my husband and I have done in life our marriage has taken work, it's had it's challenges, it's taken us on paths both difficult and amazing and all of it wrapped up in our unity has made us stronger and better people for it. I have learned a huge amount through these years and much from my husband. I look forward to many many more!

September also brought an exciting weekend spent in Banff at the Buffalo Mountain Lodge where two of our dear friends got married just the weekend after our anniversary. It was a special weekend spent again with the best of friends and a wonderful ceremony. It was all so magical, the scene beautiful and company abundantly perfect. The bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen attire was stunning, and the decorations fit ever so perfectly and the food was divine! Unfortunately it was only my husband, myself and our youngest as our oldest had ringette draft but we still enjoyed ourselves and our youngest danced the night away. We never got around to enjoying the hot pools so we made a family promise that we would book a night sometime soon to go back out there as a family of 4 and enjoy not only the hot pools and room but get out and around in Banff. So perhaps a Saturday soon we will escape for an over night family vacay. I look forward to it.

It's October already. Sad really how fast the days pass. My oldest daughter's team has been busy with practices and a bottle drive, bonding and decided on the team name Vivos which I believe they said is Latin for quick. She's focused and driven and working hard on flexibility training and on ice skill building. The months ahead will be busy for her between practices with two teams, off ice training and fundraising for her team and school. She mentioned a job would be nice but where she will fit that in with school as well is beyond me. I may have also forgotten to mention that she got her learners licence last month, now that was a shock to the parental system. She is really growing up. While I do not feel old it hits me that just a short period longer she will really rely on us for rides around, after that she gains basically full Independence! Hard to believe...now that goes to show how fast time goes by!!

My youngest has also been equally busy with her riding, even though it has gone down to one day each week. She keeps the remaining week days busy with clubs she's joined at school over lunch hour and after school. By day end she's napping before dinner or immediately following dinner. This month she and I will plan an early 12th birthday for her being that we will be in Mexico for her real birthday in December. I'm not 100% sure just what the party will involve but talk has been surrounding ice cream from Marble Slab Creamery. So a small part is planned. She also wants to get her ears once again pierced and in advance of December in the event we should have to remove the hoops again. This will be her third go at having her ears pierced. Both of my girls have metal sensitivities and have tried various metals with no luck. My oldest seems to have grown out of it in very recent years so she has gotten new piercings however our youngest will be back to lobes. I really hope perhaps with Titanium this time and about 4 yrs since the last set that she will be ok like her sister. I will update as birthday festivities and ear piercing unfolds. This month will also bring braces for my youngest and next month may be when our oldest gets hers off.

Now on day 10 since I butted out I'm feeling fantastic! It's really nice to be outside and breath in so many wonderful smells that come with fall. Positivity is a pleasant feeling. It's nice to have focus and a mind open and available to abundance instead of the past where my mind seemed consumed with when I'd have my next smoke. I love this path, one free of the addiction of smoking...I don't know why I ever go back to it.

I foresee October to be a really great month as well as every month there after. So much ahead to look forward to and so much to enjoy each day leading up to every other. It's time to refocus on health, family and what matters most. It's time to again find the me I've been longing for. I am excited for all the little tasks I will get done in the days ahead as I always have in the past when I quit smoking. I look forward to getting things painted, and crossing off items from our to do lists. Everything is possible.

I also decided that this time I will treat myself with something each week or every other week I haven't smoked. I did that years ago and was successful for two years. Treating with items that make me feel good help to keep me focused and on the right path. Perhaps these little treats will turn around to be steps in a Megan make over. :)

Today My Name Is Clarity