There's been a feeling of being lost these past couple days since our dear Thunder departed from our lives. 14 years just doesn't seem long enough. The days since have been a whirlwind of emotions, guilt, anger, sadness...I know these are all common with mourning but it doesn't make it hurt less. Time heals but for the moment it sure feels like there's a deep black hole in the house.
Of our two dogs, Bella seems to be taking the loss especially hard. I would have assumed it would have been Kiedis taking it hard as he and Thunder had been buddies for so much longer. Bella is a very empathetic dog. She's sensitive and I really think she misses Thunder even though he was such a bully to her. Her moping, hanging her head, staying in her crate and sitting for long periods is unlike her. She's a food driven dog and even there she seems to have lost her appetite. Kiedis is not his normal self either but isn't to the extreme Bella is at. It's very hard to see her like this and has made it harder for me being home and seeing her sadness on top of my own. She's such a sweet dog, it just breaks my heart. Anyone who claims dogs do not have feelings or mourn hasn't had a dog...or maybe they lacked the family relationship we shared.
I've stayed busy, trying to push through, stay positive and keep on the right track. 11:11 says I have. My #11 keeps popping up. So I must be on the right path still.
Since Tunny left the day after came some resolve from my accident over 3yrs ago which was uplifting. That sense of finality and coming closer to the end was something nice. My oldest daughter is happy that her grade 9 grad dress arrives this upcoming Monday. She also got some additional news pertaining to sports acceptance that she is excited for. We paid off our vehicle loans and MasterCard today, that is always a positive. Yet I don't feel like jumping for joy. We'll pay down the trailer too as soon as we can. Focus on retirement and future has been our life direction lately. So the steps to get there are being taken.
Last night we decided that much like the purchase of our trailer that family time is important. Life is too short and we must stop and smell the roses. So we have booked a family vacation to Florida with my hubby's parents. We've never done a vacation with them and are all excited. I wish the news had our girls jumping but we are all quite blah. I know when the time comes however that excitement will be abundant and smiles a plenty.
My husband and I have always been hard working feeling bad for taking more than 1 week vacation per year. After the loss of my grandmother it became key for us to spend time with our loved ones and make every effort to do so. Having just lost Tunny we realized that no matter how long one has with their loved ones it is never long enough. We don't want to look back with regrets, guilt or anger for what we did not do. We'd rather fill our lives with fun and memories.
In 2013 we did our usual week in Kelowna and then Mexico over Christmas. This year for 2014 it's Florida and Kelowna. My oldest has exams and grad in June so we couldn't go then, we didn't want to go right away as I run a day home and the parents need notice to find back up care and we do not like taking holidays back to back so we weren't going to do it in August. This works out well and will be fun while my girls are still young enough to really enjoy it, old enough to appreciate it and take everything in and old enough to also remember.
From now until we leave I intend to focus on my health and proper eating, getting things accomplished as I have been, getting through this month and provincials for ringette. Staying on top of things is primary. There's so many positives ahead I know they will each work their way into life and bring more brightness to the dark I feel right now.
Today we are going to love a little more, hold our furred and feathered creatures a bit closer, hug our girls stronger and love every moment we have in life and with those so dear to us.
Consider adopting an animal from your local shelter, rescue or otherwise. Please do not support puppy mills or pet shops. There are so many animals waiting for a home and arms to hold them tight and each deserves just that!
I'm going to hug my Bella & Kiedis...
Today My Name Is...Step One
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