I was reading the last pages of the book, Learning to Breathe when the ADD hit me and caught me thinking about my birthday tomorrow. For a short second I wondered what my husband might surprise me with or if he would do anything at all. Then just like that I didn't care.
I realized then that I had everything I could ever want in my life, I needed nothing else to feel complete. I may want for things but I need nothing. I have the most perfect family, the most loving husband, incredibly intelligent beautiful daughters, my parents and my in-laws are all still with us and I have the greatest friends I could ever ask for.
Every single day without fail my husband surprises me, he shows me he cares, he supports me. Every single day I know how deeply he loves me by the look in his eye, the smile, his laugh, his desire to be home with me and our girls. He offers all the time to help or just does. For the moments he doesn't I understand and for his short falls....well they balance out mine.
In that short moment like a picture to my past I saw how sad, upset & disappointed I was in my 20's when either nothing would come, very little or something I never would have wanted came on my birthday. There was the WOW. Here I am, a day from being 33 and I'm looking back realizing that in those days, my 20's I was building confidence, self-esteem, trying to find my place in the world, struggling with more than most 20 year olds. I was coming into myself but not yet comfortable in myself. Those gifts, no matter how big or small were not seen so much as gifts then, but I read so much more than needed to be into them. For instance I saw them as either no effort, little effort and felt that these determined how much my husband felt for me. I questioned everything in those days...and as I look back I realize how sad those days really were.
Material items hold no true emotions or meaning. If you lost them tomorrow you would still live. It's every moment of every day you spend with a person that matters. It truly is the little things.
I became a mother young, out of wed lock. My husband is the father of both our girls, we were high school sweet hearts and had every intention of getting married and sharing our lives but everything happened sooner than planned. With being a young mother judgement fell hard upon me and I carried that along the way. I didn't need to but I did. To a point I still do as others around me, (especially in my oldest daughters sports) judge us or make comments about us being so young. I think that played a part in my struggles with myself. I felt I needed to be perfect in my 20's, perfect clean home, well fed family, skinny, accomplished....you name it and the picture I had then for what I should be was unattainable.
What is the true meaning of perfect? I know....it's turning 33 tomorrow and knowing what matters, and having the best gifts in the world with me....my family. That is perfect. I am content, I am happy with myself. I am happy with my life. I may be on a path of understanding and healthier living but I am solidly aware of what matters most and what the true meaning of perfect is. Thank you ADD for this moment of clarity. Thank you 33 for welcoming me with open arms and strong embrace.
Today My Name Is...Clarity
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