I am struggling with everything this week. While I maintain a strong front, inside my inner self is a tornado of thoughts. Frustration, sorrow, happiness, anger. I cannot bring myself to come to terms with the fact my grandmother is gone. I watch video's of her and look at pictures and get upset wanting to yell BS as if someone was in my face telling me she is gone but lying. At the same time I am so proud of myself for doing Yoga and still on track with my challenge. I am trying so hard to stay focused.
I am determined and I have will power.
Yoga was good today, I was a little sore but otherwise good. In Savasana at the end of our morning yoga I was completely and totally relaxed as if elsewhere. Maybe I fell asleep? At one point it felt as though the floor opened up beneath me and swallowed me in, I felt as though I was falling and gasped and sat up. It was so weird! Has anyone had an interesting experience like this is Savasana?
I got home after and energized I got a few quick chores done before sitting down with a coffee to catch some morning news. My girls were both having a rough morning, I think we may all be coming to terms with what is eventual....grandma is not with us in the physical sense anymore. I think we are all emotionally drained. I left my girls in bed and let them lay there until they got themselves up. Both went to school in the afternoon.
It's been a good day overall. New play-doh was made, we had leftover chicken quinoa bean chili for lunch which was even better than the night before. Laundry has made it in, beds have been sprinkled with baking soda and lavender....things are getting done. I think I personally am keeping busy to avoid facing what I know is true.
My grandmother and family have not left my mind once despite trying to stay busy. My father is headed to Medicine Hat this weekend to be with his sisters, and I think my oldest and I may go along. We both want to be with family. All of us will go the following weekend for the celebration of Grandma's life. Reality should hit when I get down to the Hat. I fear it, yet I need it, I need to come to terms with it.
I know she is with me, I can feel it. She was a pillar of strength and she must be sharing it now. She is part of the earth now and everything in it and a part of it.
Now what I find odd is that every time I seem to look at the clock it's either 7:11am or 7:11pm. What does that mean? It must be a signal or have under lying meaning. So I googled and came up with this for the number 11. Oddly a Megan on this web page asked what the meaning behind seeing 7:11 was and this was the reply she received:
According to Doreen Virtue’s book Angel Numbers 101, the meaning of 11 is the following: “Stay positive! Your thoughts are materializing rapidly so you want to ensure positive outcomes by focusing only on the good within yourself, others, and this situation.” **I think this is a positive answer in relation to my present**
On another web page I came across this answer for what 7:11 could mean:
In numerology, 7 is a number of introspection, connection with ancient wisdom, and finding answers within. In numerology, 11 is a number of spirituality, teaching, and spiritual leadership. The numbers 7 and 11 resonate well and support each other.
It's interesting that lately when I look for answers online, new challenges and more that I come across people with the same name, similar interests or same question. With so many people on earth though I guess it is possible to have multiple people with same names and life questions or common factors. Maybe it's a sign and maybe it's not. Interesting though.
In my attempts to keep busy I have been researching the paleo diet, trying to get things done around the house and focusing ahead on new challenges. There's never a shortfall of things to get done. My procrastination seems to creep as the days wear on though.
I've been debating if I should post a mid month update with a picture and measurements or just wait until the end of the month. The end of the month would be more revealing. I'll sit on this idea. I still have a few days before mid month. It's going by fast even if this week feels like it is passing slower than molasses.
Time to wind down and try to drift off earlier. I haven't been sleeping well so perhaps crawling into bed earlier might help, although I have my doubts. In any case I'm off. In the coming days should I miss a post here and there understand I may be otherwise occupied with family and life in general.
Today My Name Is...7:11
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