I am glad to be keeping busy. I am happy I decided not to take time off yoga or work to grieve. Yoga is a feel good and I need that right now and as a day home provider having the kids around allows for busy days and many laughs.
Yesterday I pushed myself maybe a bit more than I should have and perhaps I should have modified a few poses a little but I want to feel better so badly. Anyways...I pissed my nerve off in my arm. Numbness and tingling has been abundant as well as a shooting pain. Thankfully it has not extended to the neck or jaw. I will knock on wood now.
Yoga was modified a bit today, not solly for my purpose. I never said a thing, but I am glad it was. I managed to do everything. I can feel it all over but not painfully so to where I cannot move or function. My muscles are all just letting me know they are there and it's nice.
When I returned home from yoga yesterday at 6:30am I crawled back into bed. Today I did not. Instead I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down to watch morning tv. I planned out my day, made mental note of what I wanted to get done around the house in free moments and put on a new crockpot chicken chili recipe with quinoa. It was delish!
I would have loved to go for a walk along the ridge but the air was cool with a bit of a bite. As ridge walks are longer and being a little nippy we went for a shorter walk/run to expend some energy before lunch and naps. I wish the sun had a stronger and warmer effect. Snow can just go now.
I'm surprising myself with getting things accomplished right now. Even groceries were picked up and tax stuff prepared. I find myself mad though inside, upset that my grandmother, such an amazing woman is no longer here, it's as if it's a lie and I am pissed at the liar. So very hard to believe. I am going to miss her deeply.
The best but sad part of all of this is how family that has not talked in a while comes together. Death brings a family together and love is abundant. That's the saddest part of death. We can't make time or don't when a person is alive and then when there is a death we all come together. I spoke with a few cousins and we all agreed. We said perhaps a family reunion or weekend camping would be nice in the future, grandma would love that.
I am numb of that I am sure. For my girls I think it is starting to sink in. My youngest came home after school instead of staying to do make-up practice for the school play. She has been quiet which is very unlike her. My oldest is writing and drawing, but that's not uncommon. It's a good tool for coping.
It's Tuesday....I think this will be a long week.
Today My Name Is....Numb
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