Today My Name Is...Hurt

Just as I thought, the blog would have to wait until at least today.

Friday was a mess. I thought I was okay until Friday. I spent Thursday evening at my parents with my sister and my nieces and we all shared memories, stories, songs and pictures> Come 4:30am Friday morning my body refused to firstly move out of bed and secondly hurt like everything. I knew then that I had completely over done it the day before at yoga and was paying for it then. So I sent a text, missed Friday and felt bad for missing. That seemed to cripple my day and put me in a funk. While I still worked, enjoyed my day to a degree there seemed to be a cloud lingering.

By evening I was starting to crumple. I think I was starting to come to the realization that Saturday I would be saying a final farewell to my grandmother. The pain of the loss was sinking in. I ended up in an argument with my hubby, our big dog ate our dinners...everything seemed to be going wrong. I couldn't seem to find positivity that evening.

Saturday we set out bright and early on the road to Medicine Hat. The sun was out, it was beautiful and I knew my grandmother was there smiling down on us. We saw lots of wildlife on our drive to the Hat, we even had a few cows/bulls approach and come onto the highway. We made it to the Hat by 10:15am, went straight to the hotel, then across to the mall to meet with my mother and sister and then returned back to the hotel to get ready.

1:30pm we all met at the cemetery and by all I mean almost 50 if not 50 of us in the family. My heart broke for each of my aunts, uncles, cousins and all the grandchildren and great grandchildren there who felt the depth of the loss as well. It hit me as I was sure it would, especially when my cousins together carried her ashes to the grave. It was a beautiful and brief ceremony as she would have wished and the warm sun comforted us throughout until the moment everything was wrapped up and then a fierce wind, rain and grey sky blew in forcing us to all run for the shelter of our vehicles. Grandma C I knew had given us all the boot just as she would if she was there in person...she didn't want us to stay and linger. From there we went to celebrate her full life shared with many friends. Friends and family had traveled from near and far to be there, she had been a wonderful part of many lives, touched so many and it was obvious.

It was an exhausting Saturday and I felt badly that I had not been overly social. I visited with a few but for the most part I sat taking in everyone present and reflecting on the fullness of her life.

Sunday we all met at her apartment to divvy up her belongings between many. We made a huge dent leaving little. I couldn't get over how much she had let alone where she had stored it all. Her place was always so neat and tidy and then as I stood in the overwhelmingly packed apartment I realized she had so much, many memories linked to every item. We all shared her treasures as if keeping a piece of her. She collected Bells and had so many so we all took a few. I took the rabbit foot that she had in her car for well over 30 yrs. It had lost the fur and you could see the toes and nails but it held memories for all of us and I couldn't bare the thought of it being tossed if no one claimed it. It will sit in my jewelery box. My girls said later that grandma was very loved and they could tell by all of her items and that she cherished everyone proudly with love. Some very amazing pieces were in her collection of items passed down through generations or gifted to her. I am honored to have a few.

As we left the Hat I realized that was the last time I would visit her apartment, and likely the last time we as a huge family would all be under the same roof together and it was emotional.

Thank you for the memories Grandma, for the fun times, the fantastic family, the lessons learned from you and stories and so much history I will cherish. XOXO

Life continues and it did for me bright and early, 4:30am again. I struggled for a moment as the alarm went off but then hopped out of bed and went to yoga. We did restorative which was fine by me as I am still a little sore. I feel better now. My day has been okay despite my heart being sore. The weather is stunning, the sun again comforting.

I didn't stick to counting points while down in Medicine Hat so I am not too sure how much of a dent I will have made in half a month doing weight watchers. That said I will continue into May and am positive to see results then. Just the same I am proud of myself given everything on my plate this month that I managed to continue with Yoga and being as positive as I have been.

Today is the first day I move forward knowing my Grandmother is no longer here, and today is a day for my former classmates family and friends to bid her an 'Until we meet again'. My thoughts are with so many as we all take a step forward minus amazing people in our lives. I am also thinking of my great aunt in BC who suffered a heart attack this weekend and is in critical condition. We used to stop every year in Revelstoke to visit her. I have many fond memories of her as well.

Today My Name Is...Hurt